I nodded against his neck, not trusting my voice yet. Most people would call this a cuddle, but “hug” was close enough.
His entire body was stiff, but after a few seconds he gathered me closer and settled his chin on the top of my head. I smiled against his throat. He wasn’t so bad at this after all.
“What happened?” he whispered into the darkness.
I gave myself time to settle before answering, noticing the way his fingertips began to trace the shafts of feathers along the back of my wing and his steady breathing calmed my own. There was a painful lump in my throat when I swallowed, but I tried to explain anyway. “My friend hurt my feelings,” I summarized.
His fingers stilled against my back. “In your dream?”
“No. I was just remembering it in my dream,” I mumbled.
His hand tightened against my feathers so slightly that I might not have noticed it if my wings hadn’t been so sensitive. “Tell me, Doveling,” he whispered, and I shivered at the promise of vengeance I imagined in his voice.
I pondered the best way to explain what had happened without boring him with what probably sounded like a childish emotional dispute between friends. But then, he rarely requested that I tell him about myself or my past, though he seemed to pay strict attention to what he could glean from my behavior. “I have—” I stopped and had to restart. “Ihada friend. My best friend. His name is Apollo.” I waited a beat to see if he would have any reaction to me having had male friends, but when he didn’t, I continued. “We’ve known each other since we were toddlers. Babies, really.” Apollo was the only son of a nobleman my father was close to, and his whole family had been friends with ours for generations. “We spent our childhoods playing together, and when I began to show signs of illness, he was the only friend that went out of his way to spend time with me. For years he was myonlyfriend, because I couldn’t get around much anymore and he was the only one who visited me regularly.”
Victor tucked me more firmly against his chest, and then turned his head so that his cheek was pressed atop my head, antlers and all. His hold was tight enough that I had to struggle to breathe, and it was exactly what I needed.
“The day of our wedding, I was woken up and told that he’d left the city and refused to attend the ceremony.”
“I don’t understand,” he said after letting my words sink in for a while.
“I don’t either,” I admitted. That was part of why it had hurt so badly. Other than my family, I had no one who had supported me the way he had. “He didn’t even say goodbye. My mom just said he couldn’t watch me marry somebody else.” And my mother had beenirateon my behalf. She told me she had explained to him personally why I was being arranged to marry Victor specifically, and that she was as upset as he was that I was leaving Faery, but it was necessary tosave my life. Privately she had ranted that he was selfish, or he would have cared more about my life than what he wanted, and cowardly for leaving without even telling me himself. But I couldn’t even bring myself to be angry with him. I was just hurt.
My parents had never considered him for my hand back when it was assumed I would marry into an alliance. The Queen had no need for an alliance with his house as we already had one, and my mother grumbled that it was clear to anyone who watched us that we weren’t a love match anyway. And she was right, at least I had thought. I loved Apollo deeply, but not in a romantic way. He had attempted to kiss me once in our teens, in that horribly awkward way that young teens do, but I’d found it like kissing a brother, and told him so immediately. I’d always felt a little guilty for not returning his feelings, and wondered if maybe I could have grown to have romantic feelings for him eventually, but it just never felt right. Not only that, but as my only close friend at the time, I couldn’t risk losing my friendship with him. He had told me that he understood and that our friendship was more important to him, too. My siblings had both grown up too much for our games and childish things; they had duties to the crown that I was beginning to realize I wouldn’t be able to shoulder with them. Apollo was all I had.
“Is that why you were crying at our ceremony?” Victor asked, and my heart sank like a stone.
“It was,” I said, cringing in his arms. “I was also nervous,” I hedged, not wanting to admit that I had beenterrifiedof him. The doors had opened, and my eyes had skittered away, searching for my friend for support, for his nod of encouragement that meant everything was going to be okay. “But I’d only just been told shortly before, and I couldn’t accept it until I saw for myself that he truly hadn’t attended. I’mso sorry, Victor. I can’t imagine what you must have thought of me, weeping uncontrollably like a child at our wedding.” My cheeks were burning hot with shame. I was an emotional person in general—I’d always been teased by my brother for crying so much. It was my body’s reaction to any emotion that felt too big for me, regardless of if it were sadness or anger or happiness.
“I thought… you were lovely,” Victor whispered into the darkness, startling me. “Your skin was almost glowing. Your dress was the most beautiful garment I’d ever seen. I was completely taken with your eyes. I thought you looked like a queen.”
I have no words for the warmth that suffused every molecule of my being. How was it that this man saw me so differently than I’d seen myself? The generosity and kindness of his soul humbled me. I didn’t deserve this person.
“And if I ever meet your Apollo, it will take enormous restraint not to open a portal to the underworld beneath his feet,” he murmured, returning to his lazy exploration of my feathers.
“What?” I asked, unsure if I had heard him correctly and not knowing him well enough to know if he was joking. Surely he was joking.
“Don’t worry, Doveling. I do have enormous restraint,” he said, and I could hear the wryness in his voice even without trying.
I pulled back and propped myself up on my elbow so I could see his face, though truthfully, I couldn’t see much in the firelight. Wiping my own eyes, I studied his, but he didn’t give anything away. “Please, don’t hurt my friend. Former friend. Whatever you want to call him,” I told him, just to be sure. I had no doubts that this man could end Apollo’s life in an instant.
He took a breath and released it in a sigh that sounded clearly put-upon. “If you insist,” he muttered.
“I do.” I wished I hadn’t been blindsided by Apollo’s absence right before my wedding, though I couldn’t blame my mom for telling me the way she did. I’d been asleep for so many months that I didn’t even know I was getting married until she’d woken me up that morning. When else could she have told me? And it wasn’t like she could have just not said anything. I definitely would have noticed he wasn’t there. But my biggest regret was my reaction. “I’m truly sorry for allowing my sadness to mar our ceremony,” I told him sincerely.
He reached down and took my left hand, toying with my fingers as he answered me. “It wasn’t exactly the ceremony you were expecting anyway,” he said, and his eyes looked strangely soft in the shadows. “You had your arm sliced open midway through. Most little girls probably don’t grow up dreaming about that.”
I smiled at him as I thought back to my childhood fantasies. “Probably not, no,” I said with a self-deprecating chuckle. “My fantasies were always about dressing up in a flowing gown and kissing my tall, handsome husband.” Granted, my fantasy-husband was never anywhere nearthistall, and he had usually been some shade of glittering pink or golden brown with enormous gossamer wings.You know, like most little fae girls,I thought with an inward smirk.
Victor’s eyes were practically sparkling. If I squinted really hard, I could almost see the wrinkles in the corners. Hewantedto smile. Was this his version of laughing at me? I was delighted.
“Well, at least you got the flowing dress and the tall husband part,” he said thoughtfully.
I laughed in disbelief. “And you’re handsome!” He was so handsome. He had to know he was handsome. He wasgorgeous.“Wait a minute!” I gasped. “Did we not kiss at our wedding?” I could feel that my mouth was hanging open, but I couldn’t manage to clamp it shut.
His gaze dropped, and he glanced off to the side in a shifty expression.
“Victor. Tell me we kissed at the wedding.” My family was going to be so horrified.
