We were quiet after that, with him gradually relaxing from his stiff posture beside me and me simply enjoying his presence and the sound of his slow breathing. Now that he was here with me, though, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I was so aware of him that I felt almost jittery, so I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, hoping to force myself to relax and not wanting him to feel like he had to stay with me all night. It didn’t fool him, though.
“What is it like?” he asked in a whisper, a little while later. I opened my eyes, and he turned his face toward me, completely aware of my consciousness. “Sleeping,” he clarified.
I thought about his question, wondering how to describe it to someone who had never experienced it before. “It depends on the type of sleeping, I guess. Regular sleeping feels like drifting. Sometimes you’re not even aware you’re doing it.”
He was staring into the darkness, but his eyes narrowed slightly like he was trying to imagine it.
“And then, when we dream, it’s like… watching pictures? In your mind? Sometimes about things that have happened to you, sometimes about silly things that could never happen. I’ve never understood how my own brain creates my dreams and yet I don’t know what is going to happen next. How is it that I’m surprised by a dream that I’m creating?”
He obviously had no answer for me, and we lapsed into silence again, until eventually I began to feel self-conscious.
“I’m sorry. I talk too much,” I said.
“I like to hear you speak,” he told me quietly.
“Oh.” My cheeks heated again, this time with pleasure. I tried to think of other things about sleep he might not know. “When I’m asleep because of the stasis, or when I can’t wake up, it doesn’t feel like normal sleep. Sometimes I know that I’m asleep, and it feels like I’m trapped. I’m all alone in the darkness, and I can’t wake up no matter how hard I try.”
“Is that bad?” he asked.
“I don’t like it.”
“You aren’t alone anymore,” he whispered after a moment of silence. He lifted his arm out from under the blankets and rested his hand on the pillow beside his face, palm up. An offering.
I reached over hesitantly and laid my fingers in his palm, and he gently closed his hand around them.
“Even when you sleep, I’m still here,” he said, and my heart was so full it ached. “Goodnight, Angel.”
I was almost asleep when I realized the silence didn’t feel so uncomfortable between us anymore.
Chapter 15
Celeste
Ittookmelongerthan I would like to admit to realize that Victor was still in the bed with me. Especially since he was sitting up and not exactly small or difficult to notice. But when I rolled over and nearly face-planted into his thigh, it made me jump, and I slapped my hand over my face to stop my scream. The sound of a page turning was loud in the silence.
“I workedvery hardall night not to cloak myself, and I still managed to startle you,” he said dryly.
“I’m sorry! I just wasn’t expecting you to still be here,” I said into my hands. I was surprised he could understand me from how muffled my words were.
“I can read here just as easily as I can in the library.” He turned another page. “I simply didn’t before because I thought you would prefer not to be disturbed while you slept. And that you might want some privacy.”
Speaking of privacy…“I’ll be right back,” I informed him before standing up too quickly and needing to steady myself on the bed for a moment when my knees buckled. His head snapped up, and he was ready to snatch me up in an instant, every muscle taut until he saw that I had corrected my balance. I gave him a timid smile, and he relaxed by increments, watching me with a hawklike gaze while I carefully walked to the restroom to brush my teeth and cleanse myself.
I tried not to rush on my way back, delighted that he was spending time with me. “Where do you find flowers in the middle of winter?”
He cast a quick glance at the new little flower and raised an eyebrow at me but didn’t answer.
“And what did you mean by trying not to cloak yourself?” I asked curiously as I climbed back into the bed. He couldn’t avoid answering all my questions, could he? His gaze was fixed on my smile for a beat too long until he blinked a few times and cleared his throat. I think we both blushed, though I didn’t understand why he did.
“I… it’s an old habit of mine, to use the shadows even when I don’t need them. I don’t even notice when I do it half the time.”
“You don’t notice when you’re making shadows?” My magic had been so difficult to use that I’d never really felt like I could use it without thinking. I hadn’t even had enough magic to send a spectral messenger for years.
“Sometimes. Notmakingshadows, simply using them to bend the light around myself so that I’m not visible. I was a reserved child and didn’t like attention, so I developed a habit of cloaking myself even when I didn’t need to, just to direct people’s attention away from me,” he admitted ruefully. “But it startles you when I remove it, so I’m… trying to be better about it.” The tips of his little rounded ears were bright pink, and he awkwardly rubbed his thumb along the edge of the dusty cover—another book written in a language I couldn’t read. “But I startled you anyway just by sitting here in broad daylight, so I’m beginning to think maybe the problem isn’t me.”
I glanced at him in shock only to find him staring at me with the smallest hint of mischief in his eyes. He wasn’tsmilingper sé, but he could have been, if you squinted really, really hard. Was he…teasing me?Would wondersnever cease?My smile spread across my face and happy butterflies swarmed my belly. “I’ve always startled easily,” I admitted bashfully.
“We’ll have to keep Levi away from you, then,” he said, reopening his book.
