“So how have you been?” she asks. “What’s new with you?”
“Nothing, really. Same crap, different day.”
“Are you still renting the space above the bakery?”
I nod. “My lease is coming up next month, and my landlord offered to lower my rent if I sign an extended lease. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to commit to something long-term, especially when I don’t know how long I’ll want to stay there. What if I wake up one day and want to leave?”
Her gaze lingers on my face for a few beats longer than it should, longer than is comfortable. There’s a question in her eyes. There’s something she wants to say. But whatever it is, she holds back.
And that makes me nervous because Lolly doesn’t hold back.
I bite my bottom lip, pulling my teeth across it as I give her extra time to share what’s on her mind. She wanted me to comefor a visit so we could talk.Does this have something to do with that?
She takes another drink, extending the maddening silence between us. The longer we sit staring at each other, the more time I have to try to sort out where she’s going with this.We were talking about my apartment … aha!I know what she wants.
The relief is real.
“I know you think I should take the extended lease,” I say, exhaling a long breath.
This has happened before, but not for a long time. When I first moved out at eighteen, she made me promise to come back once a month—and I did. But as I’ve grown older, FaceTime has taken the place of many of those visits. I can’t really blame her for wanting to see me in person, especially when she’s ruminating over my life choices. And knowing that’s what she wants to talk about is like a boulder removed from my chest.
“But I don’t know that it’s right for me,” I say, hoping to put her at ease. “While I agree with you that eventually I need to settle down and plant roots, I just don’t think now is the time. Idoknow that my current living situation isn’t the place. But I promise to visit more, and I’ll try to move closer to you if I do leave Kentucky.”
She hums. “I’m happy to hear that we’re on the same page.”
“About what?”
“About you settling down.”
I sigh, falling back into my chair.Here we go …
“You can’t run from one place to another for your whole life, Mira,” she says over my exasperation.
“I’ve made it this far.”
She groans, shaking her head at me.
I hate that we disagree about this, and that we disagree so passionately. It wasn’t always this way. Lolly used to see mytravels as a form of freedom, me exploring the world. Now she sees it as though I’m running from life. If I were running from life, I’d pick a tropical island with tons of pineapples and no sharks.
“Look,” I say, leaning forward, taking my sunglasses off the top of my head. “I know you’re worried about my lack of … permanence. That I don’t stay anywhere long enough for it to stick, and that I don’t have retirement set up or stellar credit in my name. But I don’t want all of that, and I really don’t think it matters.”
“You’re missing the point.”
“Am I?”
She huffs a breath.
“I’m not against settling down some day, and getting married and having kids,” I say, hopefully appeasing her a little bit. “There’s a part of me—granted, buried deep,deepdown in the pit of my soul—thatlikesthe idea of having a partner. But men are so gross these days. They either bring nothing to the table, or they bring everything and expect me to fork over every piece of myself in exchange for it.”
“That’s not true.”
I laugh. “Have you tried dating lately?”
“Yes, actually. I had a date last weekend with Greg from the butcher’s shop. And I could’ve gotten laid at the Paramount Pour, but I had the girls with me and couldn’t get away. They’d be lost without me there to guide them. Hilda wouldn’t know how to call a rideshare if her pension depended on it.”
I bury my face in my hands.
“Speaking of Hilda,” she says, rising. “I need to call her daughter and tell her to check her mom’s diabetes meds. Hilda bottomed out on us twice at the Pour, and I know she won’t tell Christina about it.” She pats my shoulder as she walks by. “I’ll be right back.”
