“Which ship?”King Arik said.He was listening—almost too well now—his eyes clear and steady.I sensed he was attempting to soothe me by following my lead in the conversation.
“Owl… something, with painted faces.”
“Owl’s Ghost?Yes, I know them.They have raided near the Arched Cliffs, you say?”
“Yes.You are the king, you must… you must?—”
“I will speak to Hirner, their captain; I will ask him about the raid.He is a captain, though.I can only order him while he is landed.At sea, he is king, and his country is his ship.This is how it works.But my friendship is a good thing to have… he will cooperate with me.How strange?—”
“What?”I said.
“Just… I will ask Jorn, but if things had been different, if Fell had gone this season, he may still have encountered you.The Tornadohad gone with them…”
“Something terrible has happened,” I said.
“Perhaps,” said the king.“But I knowOwl’s Ghost.They are true Norsern.They would not strike an enemy that was not fighting back.Any who could not fight would have been spared.I will speak to them.Will you chew some hawthorn?To give your heart some strength?For the baby’s heart.”
I wanted to scream at him.“Not everything is about the baby!”But Fell’s face stopped me.His gaze begged me.Let me help.Let me do something.
“Chewing on berries cannot repair this,” I said.
“I know, Gentlewoman.I will speak with the captain, find out what happened.It is I who grants directions to the captains each season before the raids; captains who appease me are given favourable directions.This is, arguably, one of the most important roles of a Norsern king as it determines the spread of wealth in the land and keeps raiders from all travelling to the same places, beginning blood feuds.The Owl’s Ghostwas given way to the west-west-south-west.”
And then I envisioned my father’s body without any life in it, and I wished I were drowning.I had to be alone to cry, or apart from everyone except Fell.I fled to my chamber, which I hadn’t been using so much now that I was no longer keeping my relations with Fell a secret.It was his room we went to more often.
Fell came with me, of course.He pressed his forehead to mine and brushed my cheeks with his hands.How gentle he was.How quiet.Witnessing and offering his hands as I sobbed.
We were interrupted by Ivar wanting to listen to my stomach with his horn, by Hrund wanting to offer me broth—this one with rosemary, that one with chamomile.By the king himself, whispering softly to me.It seemed the story I’d heard from Rowan was similar to that Kaker Hirner had told the king.Hatred for raiders boiled through my blood—ironic now, yes.
Ache.
The certainty of not seeing my father again, of not hearing his voice.I had been his favourite.I could admit this only after his death.Of the six of us, I had been the one he winked at when he did something he shouldn’t have.I was the one he gave extra sweets to.He gave me music, and I had left him and become something he likely would have abhorred ten times over.
Finally, with salt-burned cheeks kissed a hundred times each by Fell, I forced myself up.Rowan couldn’t be left all to himself; as weakened as I was by sadness, I knew I shouldn’t abandon him.He was sworn to my brother after all; I owed Dayne what protection I could offer the apprentice.
“I will visit thesoter—see he is well,” I said to Fell.“I will walk and try to… in my country, there is a word for this, but here… I will let the tightness come from my limbs, you understand?”
He nodded.“I can come.”
Had he slept at all as I cried?No.Had he done anything other than devote his attention to me?I wanted to cry all over again.
I shook my head.“You are too sweet.I will not have my thoughts as I would have them alone, understand?”
That smile.I kissed him and regretted parting instantly.Still, I needed a clear mind.I couldn’t simply tell Arik my brother was coming—a fleet—was what Rowan had said.My hips ached from the stretching happening within them as I marched into Aalt with one hand on the hardness forming in my womb, my mind rushing faster as I walked faster.
My feet had the idea before my thoughts did.I passed the outdoor hearth where we’d shared drinks during the eclipse.I recalled the Islish trader and his ship route—one ship before another back to the Isle.Or something like that.Geryn.
A message.
I would craft a message for Dayne.He would know it was from me because he knew my handwriting.I would tell him not to come.That I was alive, that I’d found… whatever it was I’d found that was so ineffable it has taken me as many words as I’ve given you to begin to explain it.There was no need for a fight.King Arik would stop allowing raiders to go westward directions.I was sure of it.
I veered deeper into Aalt.I needed parchment and wasn’t about to return to the palace to get it—I wanted no chance of Arik seeing me write; I wanted no questions, no early responses.Arik was reactive.I knew this about him intimately, and though I considered him a friend, I also knew he couldn’t simply ignore the possibility of an incoming fleet.
Thirty-Two
Securing parchment and ink took some time as no one wanted to sell only a single page, and ink merchants wanted to make the sale of a reed and a glass bottle.I only had one coin to my name—the coin given to me by Egil’s children.My stomach turned and turned, making me feel like I might vomit again at any point.I expect the smell of the city—animal and human bodies, waste, smoke, and incense mixing together was to blame.The roar of the city stressed me as well—I couldn’t think with the noise.People kept trying to get me to buy things I hadn’t come for, and this too irritated me.
In the end, it was luck that got me what I needed.
