Again, he was still, staring at the stones on the dais.But after many moments, a chuckle bubbled up from the back of his throat.A quiet hum that grew louder until he was laughing with his whole body, until he ran out of air and wheezed.
“The best and worst still ahead?I like this.I like you, Gentlewoman.”His laughter went on and on, making him seem almost deranged.“Jorn was right about you.You have a talent for this.”
My chest warmed.No one had ever called me talented, but the king had now done it twice.
“You may go.Enjoy your afternoon.I must now have a three-hour argument about trade route maps, which I expect you will find rather dull.”
I gathered up the stones and wandered through the palace, my mood transforming and then transforming again far too quickly for me to make sense of it.I wanted to play the lyre, but before I got to it, I wanted to check on the gold, but before I got to it, I wanted to look at the teeth of the sea creatures in King Arik’s sea animal library.I wanted to oil my hair.I wanted to happen upon Fell.I wanted to go home now before I grew too used to free movement.I wanted to cry.I wanted to climb out of my tingling skin.I wanted to set my hands in cold water.I have come to learn that this scatteredness is common among readers, post-reading.But in this instance, I think I was also confused about my life, what I wanted for it and why.
I gave up attempting to fill my time as the blueish glow of late afternoon painted the corridors and I found my way to the feasting hall, because it had been long enough since I’d seen Fell, hadn’t it?Long enough to dispel any suspicion.I found him in the crowd instantly; he was lounging beside King Arik, the two of them sitting on the edge of the dais, rather than at a table, likely to give Fell the space needed to stretch out.He was almost resting his head on the king’s stomach.He noticed me immediately too, and it felt like the sting of nettle coursing through my veins.
I’d wanted to see him all day, but now that I had, I was drowning, and I was tempted to walk straight out of the hall.Instead, I determined to find the first person I knew who wasn’t sitting near Fell.As I walked, I was thoughtless; there was only the possibility of him watching me or the possibility of him not watching me.Both were agonizing.
I sat beside Jorn against the wall; there were large open windows on either side of where he sat, sending forth a chilly breeze.He was hiding from the wind, and it made sense for me, as a foreigner as well, to sit with him, tucked away from the absurdly cold air that no one else seemed to be reacting to.Not that anyone was judging where I was sitting, I was simply unstable in my mind around Fell, so I imagined they might be.
“Good evening,” I said, taking a seat and feeling soothed.
He is so calm, I thought.It’s good I have sat with him.I must remember this.
“Good evening, Mira.”
“How… was reading for Flojer’s crew?”I said as I reached across the table for the grossest-looking sea creature you could imagine.It was apparently edible, but I’d never wanted to touch it until I was trying to busy my hands because Fell might be watching me and I ought to look like a person.People did things like reach for food.
Jorn moved the dip everyone put the sea creatures in closer to me with the hint of a smirk.“Cold, but fine enough.They suspected me of tossing one net, so none asked their true questions which… in a way, revealed more than their true questions would have.”
“Tossing one net?”
“Catching many fish with one throw… doing Arik’s bidding, trying to appease them.”
With a plate of dead, curling, tentacles before me and no desire to eat them at all, I set my hands in my lap.“Of course you were doing the king’s bidding.He sent you.”
He nodded.“A simple truth.”
It has been long enough, surely.My eyes flicked up to Fell at the head of the hall.He was laughing at something the king was saying, but quickly—almost as if he sensed my gaze—he was looking at me as well.I looked away, feeling as though I’d been caught in the middle of a heinous crime.
“Do you find it comfortable to sit in silence?”I said to Jorn, who wasn’t making any attempt at conversation with me, despite us sitting together, away from everyone else.
“I would not describe the hall as silent.”He took a sip of mead, the cup obscuring his face but leaving his raised brows visible.“But I understand.I understand.I am not speaking because I am wondering how to word?—”
Someone threw something clear across the hall, giving my eyes permission to look toward the dais again.King Arik was the one laughing now, so hard his face had gone red.I couldn’t help but catch some of the joy and chuckle a little.
“The Norsern are wearing off on you,” Jorn said.“Soon you will be laughing as loud as they do.”
I hadn’t noticed I was stifling my laughter, and there was something a touch sad in the realization that I was, through habit alone, attempting to hide my enjoyment.
I displayed another Norsern behaviour.It was common to laugh at something and then explain why you were laughing.Indeed, this was the most common way of striking up a conversation with new people.“Their friendship is a pleasant thing to see,” I said.
Jorn had just been about to take another sip of mead, but he halted with the goblet hovering in front of his face.“For now.”
I looked at him, my brows furrowing in interest.“Do not be cryptic with me,” I said.Cryptic—rünnar—had become one of my favourite words recently.Apparently, it was an uncommon word, but I found reason to use it all the time.I liked the way it felt in my mouth.
Jorn smiled wryly.“They love each other, yes, but the truth within each of them is too different.If they spend a long time together, they will find their way to old disagreements.They will argue and part ways again, and Arik’s heart will be broken as he waits for enough time to pass for them to be friends once more.”
I glanced back at Fell and the king, their heads close together as they talked, one of them laughing at all times.“What could they disagree about?”
“There are many layers to it, but at the pit, Arik does not believe when Fell says he does not want to be king.He thinks all people want this.You.Me.Dania.Both her children, even the one who is so young he cannot truly speak yet.”
As soon as I heard the words, I knew them to be true.I’d seen something similar in my reading for the king that morning.He was so ambitious he likely couldn’t conceive of less ambition.
