“Babies?” he says, shooting to his feet.
For once, his attention is somewhere else and I slide down his body as if he were a slide. I’m unsteady on my feet and he instantly throws out a hand to steady me. “What did I say wrong?” I say, licking my lips.
He runs a hand through his hair and lets a curse rip. “Jesus, Iris. I didn’t use any protection.” Then his eyes go distant and I know he’s doing mental math. “All those times.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t think of it until this morning, either.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Unlike all the mafia macho assholes I grew up around, his voice goes low when he’s angry. But it’s all the more dangerous for it.
Not that the danger is to me. I can read him now, so clearly. He’s upset with himself.
I fold my arms against my belly, looking defensive. “Because it was too late by then anyway. I wasn’t going to stop you when you were deep inside me and about to explode. I like that sound you make when you come.”
Twin strips of color streak his high cheeks. “Is it possible?”
“What?”
He closes his eyes as if searching for patience, then searches mine. “Is it a fertile time for you?”
“Yes. Very possible,” I say, pushing the words out. “Vitale wanted to breed me that very night.”
Another curse rips out of him. “Why are you not panicking about this?”
“That’s what I wanted to mention to you?—”
“You better damn well tell me if you fall pregnant, Princess.”
“Why? Why would you want to know?” I say, taking a step back.
He eats it up in the blink of an eye, pressing me against one of the posts. “Because if you end up pregnant, Iris, I’m going to want to keep the baby. And you.”
I flinch, but have nowhere to escape to, no way to hide my hurt because he’s caging me with his body.
He wants me, will even keep me,only ifI get pregnant.
It’s a cruel slap from the universe, giving me everything I want, but in the worst way possible. Giving me the man I love but on a condition.
11
ELIAS
Iknow I've said the worst possible thing the moment I hear the words fall out of my mouth.
She pales, the color draining so fast it's like watching a light go out, her mouth flinching as if I'd struck her. The jasmine scent of her taunts me, warm and familiar, and my chest caves in.
I run a shaking hand over my face.
The truth slams into me then. No—slides into me, quiet and inevitable, like the missing piece I didn't know I'd been searching for my entire life.
I am in love with her.
My knees go unsteady. My heart does something I don't have a name for, a heavy, lurching rhythm that I feel in my throat, in my fingertips, in the bad hip that's been with me through fifteen years of war and loss and isolation. Every scar on my body seems to pull tight at once, as if my own flesh is bracing for what comes next. A cold sweat pricks at the back of my neck.
This is what I've been running from. Or rather what I thought I could never feel or have. This… connection with anotherperson in the world, this feeling of awe and fulfillment and sheer, unconditional love.
She makes me feel it all, like I could encompass the entire world in my heart. She makes me feel complete again.
When I say her name, she takes another step back.
