"All the things I want to try," I say, lifting my chin a little. “With you.”
"And anal is crossed off because?"
I wrinkle my nose. "My stepsisters always made it sound awful." I study him for a second. "If you really want it, I guess I could?—"
"No, sweetheart." Quiet and absolute. "I don't want anything you don't want."
Something warm blooms in my chest. He looks back down at the list.
"Why is blow job only a dot and not a full check then?"
"Because you didn't finish inside my mouth."
"I sprayed your tits," he says, completely unapologetic. "Which are my favorite things in the world.”
"Yes, well." I fold my hands primly in my lap. "I'm a bit of an overachiever. So it's not complete yet."
He laughs. The sound jostles me, low and real and rare, and seeps into every lonely crevice inside me, as if telling me that I won't be alone even after I leave him. The thought lands like a stone and I push it away.
"What is cock-warming exactly?"
I clear my throat. "I think you get inside me but like—don't do anything more. Just stay there. For however long you want.”
"Ahh." His mouth twitches. A new fire blazes in his eyes as he looks at me, slow and heated. "So you keep my cock warm and ready to go when I want.”
I try not to shy away from the intensity of his gaze. "Want to try it tonight?"
"As soon as you heal," he says.
"Elias, we don't have enough?—"
He presses two fingers gently against my lips, stopping the words I can't quite say out loud. His eyes search mine for a long moment, then he leans and touches his forehead to mine.
My heart thumps painfully in my chest.
Keep me, please,I want to say.Keep me with you forever.
"How is this my life, Princess?" His voice is low, rough at the edges, like the words cost him everything. "How have you fallen into my lap like this?"
I shuffle a bit more in his lap so that I can face him. “I know you don’t want to talk about the future but I want to. Need to.”
His throat ripples on a swallow before he nods. “There have been no messages from Aiden on the satellite phone. I checked this morning.”
I nod, my stomach falling. Already, I can sense him retreating, putting himself behind a wall. Does he think I’ll cling to him when it’s time to go? That I’ll ask for more than he’s willing to give?
“Not about that,” I say. Maybe I need distance to say this. I try to scoot out of his lap.
His arm tightens. “You aren’t going anywhere, sweetheart.”
I sigh and look down at my lap. “I wanted to say thank you.”
“For taking your virginity?”
I look up and glare at him, my cheeks hot. “Can you put away your grumpiness for one moment, Elias Sharif?”
The corners of his mouth twitch. “You know, only my CO ever raised his voice at me.”
I roll my eyes. “When I go back, I’m going to fight for the future I want. I’m going to fight about getting a day job, about having babies when I’m ready for them and maybe even?—”
