‘Ava, just breathe.’ He is calm, authoritative in a way I didn’t know he could be. ‘Just breathe.’
I do as he says, keep breathing until the shudder goes, until it feels like my throat isn’t going to close up.
‘Good,’ he coaches. ‘Now tell me.’
‘I just freaked out.’
‘I can tell.’
‘I haven’t really been on my own in a place like this in forever and…’
‘So you’re at the apartment?’ he cuts through.
‘Yes.’
‘Is it okay?’
‘It’s lovely.’
‘What are you doing?’
I look down at the very full glass of red in my hand. ‘Drinking wine.’
‘Maybe wine isn’t the best?’
‘Thanks for that assessment.’
‘Have you got dinner sorted?’
‘Yes.’ I lie, my eyes darting towards the cereal bar. I choose not to be so honest about that. ‘Can you just… tell me about your day?’
‘There’s nothing really to tell.’
‘That’s exactly what I want to hear about right now.’
‘Sure.’ I can hear him smile through the phone. ‘I got up at seven, went to Gail’s, got a coffee.’
‘You basic bitch.’
‘You love it. Got to the office for eight. Forgot my key card but Jerry on the door let me in. Checked my emails, did some admin… is this boring enough for you?’ he checks in.
‘Perfectly boring,’ I nod, rooting around in my bag for the cool silver cigarette case that had once belonged to Ettie. I barely smoke any more, but sometimes on particularly hard days I allow myself the luxury.
‘Had lunch in the canteen.’
‘What did you have?’
I take the wine through the bedroom and onto the balcony. It’s almost dark now.
‘Ham and cheese panini.’
I light the cigarette and inhale deeply. ‘You rockstar.’
‘I’ll hang up.’
‘You wouldn’t dare.’
His laugh subsides, ‘Maybe I can come out and see you when you’re more settled. I have some holiday. Could do a long weekend?’ My silence on the other side seems to scare him. ‘But no pressure or anything. I appreciate your head’s probably all over the place and everything and you’re there to do some work not to just entertain some random guy you hook up w—’
