Picturing it, Abby felt her eyes sting. She thought she knew something about loneliness but her experience paled into insignificance compared with her mother’s. Her heart ached for her, but at the same time she felt a flicker of awe and admiration.
“I can’t bear to think about you dealing with all that by yourself. It breaks my heart.”
Her mother smiled. “I wasn’t by myself. I had you, and you were everything. I didn’t need anyone else. I’d learned by then that I was better on my own. Life was more stable. Both the men in my life had proved unreliable. I knew I had to learn to rely on myself. For my sake, but also for yours. I was the only person I trusted to build a life for the two of us. In those early days I learned to be my own best friend. No one knew me better than I did. No one knew what I needed better than I did. And yes, those early years were hard because I was trying to care for you and turn the hotel around, but they were also surprisingly happy—again, mostly because of you.”
“But I must have been an extra burden for you at a time when you were trying to make the hotel work.”
Her mother let go of her hand and shifted so that she could look at her.
“You were a joy. Right from the moment you were born.You gave me purpose, but more than that you made me happy. And it reminded me of the early years of my own childhood, and it made me determined that you would never, ever feel the same rejection I’d felt. That drove everything I did.”
And it had driven the way she’d chosen to parent her only child. Abby saw it clearly now. Her mother’s seemingly impossibly high expectations had come from a fierce desire to do her best for her daughter. To give her the tools to deal with adversity. To prepare her for the world. And her reluctance to talk about the past, which had frustrated Abby on many occasions, had also come from a desire to shield her daughter.
Abby felt a warmth spread through her. Her mother, who had been hurt badly herself, had been determined to protect her. “You’re a wonderful mother. I’m lucky.”
“In some ways you are lucky, and in other ways you’re not.
But that’s true of life in general, I suppose.”
“How did you do it?” She blurted out the words. “Through all that loneliness, hurt and disappointment. How did you keep going?”
“Because the alternative to keeping going is giving up, and I’m not the giving up type. Also, I had you.” Her mother lifted her hand and stroked Abby’s cheek. “I love you very much. I don’t tell you often enough, but I hope you know.”
She’d never seen her mother this way before. She’d never guessed how much was going on beneath the surface. How much she’d had to deal with. How had she managed it all? How had she built the life she’d built from the rubble of her past?
Abby’s eyes filled and tears spilled down her cheeks. “I love you, too. And I’m pleased you’re here now, and that you’ve told me everything.”
Her mother let her hand drop.
“Not quite everything. In one of your phone calls you asked me about Edward. You noticed that the dates of his employment were wrong.”
“You know each other.” It confirmed what she already suspected. “I saw that the moment he walked into the room and dealt with the weasel.”
“The weasel?”
“That’s what Evie calls him.”
Her mother smiled. “Evie is remarkably perceptive. It’s a perfect description.”
“Edward was protective.” She trod carefully. She didn’t want her mother to talk about anything she didn’t want to talk about, but at the same time she was enjoying this new connection. For the first time she had a glimpse of the person, and not just the successful businesswoman.
“Yes. We were friends. The hotel had been mine for two years when Edward applied for the role of concierge. He’d lost his wife and had a newborn. He needed someone to give him a break, and I was able to do that. He brought the baby to work when he needed to and your nanny cared for both of you. It helped him get back on his feet.”
“The baby?” Abby frowned. “You mean Evie?”
“Yes, Evie. You’ve known her longer than you think. You treated her like a little sister. You missed her when we moved to Boston. It took a while for you to forget. I felt guilty about that.”
Evie.
“That day in the boardroom, when you were staring at one page of the report. I couldn’t work out what had caught your attention. Was it Edward?” Things fell into place. Things that hadn’t made sense, now made sense.
“Yes. It gave me a jolt to see his name there after all these years. I stayed away, you see. I thought it was easier that way.”
Easier? Abby was increasingly convinced that they’d had a relationship. She was dying to ask but it didn’t feel appropriate. No doubt her mother would tell her if and when she wanted to.
“You never did intend to sell the place, did you?”
“No. This place saved me. I would never sell it.”
