Survival.
The animal half, trained like a dog to eat scraps from the gutter.
“I shall have to check my calendar.” He says it coolly, a dagger sliding deftly into my kidney.
“Yes, Emperor.”
His hand slips free. He reaches for his robe, begins to dress. “I suppose it’s only to be expected you might forget some things. You are under a lot of pressure this season.”
“Yes, Emperor.”
“And you’re soon to be a free man.”
“Yes. Thank you, Emperor.”
“And what of the talent this season? Anyone worthy of my interest?”
How casually he drops the words. Anyone on the outside would think he was concerned with the game. But that’s not what he means by ‘talent.’
And it sickens me that my replacement—the next in line to be favorite should the Emperor lose interest in me—might be the one man I’m most desperate to protect.
I lower my head further, trying to hide the color that touches my cheeks. “No one of such talent this year, I’m afraid. Though I promise you an entertaining season. Perhaps the best yet.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, Emperor.”
“Very well.” He moves for the door, then pauses. “Though, if you are finding your captain’s duties too arduous to remember appointments… perhaps I should look into your teammates for a replacement, do you think?”
My insides turn brittle, so much ice, ready to crack. “No. Please. Emperor, no.” Whatever dignity I might have believed I could hold onto dropswith the sheets. Before the next beat of my heart, I’m kneeling before him, naked once again. “It was one mistake, and I wish dearly I hadn’t made it. Every moment I spend without you, I am poorer for it. Please grant me the chance to make it up to you. Any way you see fit.”
It might be wiser to keep my head bowed, but I don’t believe he can resist me.
I put everything I have into one longing and seductive look that I throw up at him, letting my chin fall gently against his hip.
When his body presses forward, when my lips purse to kiss his thigh, when he strokes his nauseating fingers through my hair, I know I’ll live another day.
“I’ll send for you.”
I remain on the floor, head low, even as the door clicks closed behind him.
He’s gone.
One night free of his hands, and at such a cost.
One night, and why did I do it? Why did I stay in Evander’s surgery until the final player came? Just to have a drink with him? Why did I go into the showers with him? Why did I save him a seat, tell him my secrets, break bread and drink wine with him?
Evander was right. Robin’s dangerous. Dangerous, because he feels like home. Like safety. Dangerous, because he makes me feel like the man I used to be, back when I was free. When I had a will of my own. Dangerous, because I can’t get enough of him.
But everything,everything, depends on the Emperor’s favor. Robin being kept safe from him, Maria having a home with me, the freedom I’ve spent half a decade earning through murder, simpering, fucking a monster I detest…
Every physical part of me wants to curl up and die.
But the revulsion inside me is too strong to ever succumb to the urge.
I will never die on Victoran soil.
I will win Deathball.
