that is a big word, Jackie
Jackie
it’s four letters
Teo
I like him. a lot. I like being around him. I like how he makes me feel. that doesn’t mean I’m in love
Jackie
you are the last person in this family to figure this out
Gina
you like pizza, Matteo. you like the cat. this is not like
Teo
I would know if I was in love
Nicole
you wouldn’t
you tell us everything. you narrate your entire life to this chat and to Ma and to anyone who will listen. and about this man you have been almost silent. you’ve never been this quiet about something that matters to you
the quiet is how I know
Teo
I’m going to bed
Jackie
if Ma ever sees this chat I am throwing my phone in the ocean
Gina
agreed
Jackie
goodnight, Matteo. think about what Nicole said
Teo
goodnight
Chapter 17 — TEO
I’m early and I know I’m early and I don’t care. Outside the treatment room, I’m humming the chorus of a song Zay sent last night, which is a thing I do now, apparently, walk around this building with his music in my head like it’s just a song and not a whole conversation we’re having underneath the one everyone else can hear.
The door’s open. He’s at the counter with his back to me, writing something in a chart, and I can see the pen from here. The rollerball. The one with the firebird on the clip. Not the cheap facility one with the crooked logo. Mine. The one I gave him in December. He uses it every session and he has never once mentioned it and I have never once brought it up and the silence around that pen is one of my favorite things about us.
“Brooks.” I drop onto the table. “Berger gave Bar Mercato’s risotto a seven.”
“And?” He warms gel between his palms and presses into my shoulder. His hands are warm the way they always are. I have stopped trying to figure out where he stores the heat. It’s just him. He’s warm where it counts and cool everywhere else and Icould build a whole theory about that but I won’t, not out loud, because the theory would be about more than his hands and he’d know it.
