I shake my head against her shoulder.
“We’ve got you.”
I believe her.
I usher the two of them in from the street, and into the dining room.
“I haven’t showered.” Tate declares while pulling plates and silverware out from cupboards and drawers. “I got distracted.Apollo, do you have time to stick around for a while after dinner? I need a little help upstairs.”
Apollo nods before he speaks, he’s pulling out tubs of food from the bags while Edith puts some things into the fridge from grocery bags. She’s got milk, eggs, cheese, butter, bacon, bread, and bagels.
Not only did they bring dinner, they brought a staples restock too.
Their thoughtfulness might be what sends me over the edge into hysteria but Tate speaks again and distracts me.
“I’m clearing out their closets and could use a hand.”
Edith and Apollo share a glance that confirms I’m not overreacting in thinking it’s too soon, but Apollo doesn’t miss a beat. “Whatever you need.”
Edith coming with Apollo was a welcome relief I didn’t know I needed, and when Artemis arrives at the door with dessert and the boys go to work upstairs, Edith convinces me to jump in the shower then go out with her. I have no idea where we’re going, but I need to step out from this space to catch my breath so I can be strong for Tate later. God knows he needs it.
CHAPTER 37
Tate
Sweat’s streaming down my face. Since when did my parents have so many clothes?
Mom’s always had a thing for shoes but the further into this Narnia-esque closet I go, the more I realize that Dad was the official shoe-lover of the family.
“I’m going to ask her to marry me.” My muffled voice hits thirty five winter jackets, and an endless sea of Mom’s purses scattered along the floor of their walk-in closet before the twins both snap their heads up to me.
Artemis shakes his head while Apollo holds up his hand. “I’d recommend you wait a little bit, Hermano. It’s all... kind of...” He snaps his fingers at Artemis who looks like he’s struggling to find a way to tell me I’ve lost my mind.
“I’m with him.” Artemis jerks his head toward his brother. “Don’t do it right now. Give it time for things to settle.”
I don’t want to give it time. I don’t want to assume we’ll have time. I don’t want to wait. I want to marry her right this very second and spend every day that we have left calling her my wife.
It’s irrational, brought on by fear, grief, and a deep longing to have more time with my parents. I know this, but that’s not making my desire to do it any less.
“Finish college, get a good job, yadda, yadda all the grown up shit, then you can ask her.” Apollo picks up a pair of Dad’s sneakers and holds them up to me. I point to the donation bag.
“If you ask her now.” Artemis holds up a purse that goes into the ‘ask Pitstop first’ pile, because my girl likes pretty things, and Mom has way more designer bags in this room than I ever realized. Bet Dad had no fucking clue either.
“She’s going to think you’re only asking her... because...” Artemis scratches the back of his neck, looking at Apollo whose eyes widen as if to say, ‘Dude, you dug your own hole here, figure your own way out.’
Taking pity on my friend, I finish his sentence. “Because my parents died, and I’m scared of being alone forever.”
But Artemis is right. Hadn’t thought of it like that, that my asking her could come across as a desperate bid to ensure I’m never alone, rather than the fact she’s been so fucking amazing since the second that puck hit my face that I never want to spend another day in my life without her by my side.
“That’s not what this is, for the record.” My face is hot. Not sure why I need to clarify that fact to my friends, but I do. Is it because it sounds kind of pathetic? Shallow? I don’t want to be by myself for the rest of my life, that’s true, but I also don’t want people to think that’s the only reason I want to ask Penelope to stay with me forever.
“We know.” Artemis holds up another bag, it’s a red leather bag that would match a pair of red stilettos my She Devil has.
“Pen’s pile. Are you sure? I know I’ve been a dick lately, but I’m not that much of an asshole that I’d inflict forever with me on someone just because I’m scared of facing a life by myself.”
Apollo pats my shoulder. “We know. Just give it some time. Let everything...”
He can’t say pass, because losing my parents has changed the foundation of who I am for the rest of my life. There's no passing, no getting through this, only learning to live with it.
