Ares: Can confirm. I’ve done it for most of my life.
Athena: They’re right, Apollo. If you can get your mind to settle, play the game tomorrow, then deal with the fallout.
Athena: Whatever happens, we’ve got you.
The idea of going up against Papá in any manner is beyond distasteful. It’s terrifying. It’s not something I’d have ever considered before the accident, either. That damned crash changed everything. And while I’m scared down to the very marrow in my bones, the fallout from the car accident hasn’t led me wrong yet.
Things with Edith are going better than I ever could have hoped. Perhaps there’s something to that whole,seeing your life flash before your eyesthing.
If my gut was right about my relationship with Edith, maybe my gut is right about hockey, too. I can’t keep living straddling the line. I can’t keep one foot in each space, hockey and the family business. I need to pick a path, and my gut says it’s not aviation.
I want to play hockey.
I’ve always wanted to play hockey, but I’ve pressed it down, hidden it, squashed my dreams into some tiny box in the closet and ignored it for years because of what Ishoulddo.
Edith’s right. It’s time to say “Fuckshould” and stop half-assing my life.
Fear tugs at my chest, threatening to collapse my lungs and steal all my oxygen, but it’s not taking up as much space in my body as it was a few minutes ago. It’s as though making the decision to follow my heart, to chase my dreams with both skates has settled something inside of me.
Papá won’t be happy. But he doesn’t need to be.
Edith’s right again. It’s my life, and my father doesn’t have to live it. I don’t know if she’s always been this smart, or if breaking her leg and spending months on end in her apartment snuggling with a pig—and Bacon—has made her philosophical in her new hermit life. But either way, Papá doesn’t have to like my choices. He doesn’t even need to respect them.
As I spin on my heel and walk back to my SUV, it occurs to me that I don’tneedanything from him. I don’t need his money, his teaching, his contacts. I don’t need to learn anything from him that I can’t learn anywhere else.
As I start the car and point it toward home, it hits me that what I’ve been doing this whole time, what I’ve been chasing, is my father’s love and approval. When what I should have been chasing, is my own.
By the time I pull into the parking lot of our apartment building, an odd peace has settled over me. Worse comes to worst, Papá cuts me off, strikes me from his will, and I lose my inheritance.
I can’t think of a world in which that would impact me as much as I’ve been afraid it would for years. The apartment is paid off and in my name, same for both my cars. I have a trust fund that no one but me can touch, and my bank account is healthy from the occasional dabble with crypto.
Not to mention, if I play my ass off on the ice and get picked up by the NHL... even if somethingdidhappen to financially topple my ass. Well, the NHL pays pretty well from what I see on TV.
The only thing I can think of is that he’d exert some influence over Mamá. Losing her would destroy me. It would break me on a level I’m not sure I could recover from.
My siblings have my back. And if I need to, I could tell Mamá that Papá is actually a cheating scumbag and she could do better.
The family restaurant downtown, Guac ‘n Roll, is in her and Abuelita’s names. There was no prenup when they got married. I guess at some point, he really did love the server from his favorite taco place in town.
My steps are lighter as I ride the elevator to our floor. I walk through the door to Edith’s place. With a clearer head, I finally have some perspective. It’s time for us to combine our resources and move in together. We could take my apartment, she could rent hers out—after extensive screening of candidates—and she could use that money for whatever the hell she wanted. Savings, college fund for our future kids, blowing on booze and hookers, I don’t give a shit. But it might give her enough security to breathe a little.
She’s in a tailspin about what to do with her life, how to make a living, how to thrive when she’s lost the power to do what she loves. Maybe what she needs is some financial reassurance, some stability, some security, and the knowledge that even if she wants to sit and play video games every day for the rest of our lives, I’m okay with that.
Whatever it takes to make her happy.
Fuck.
She was right again.
“Why don’t you ever do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, prince of darkness?”She’d asked me that question weeks ago, and I didn’t have the answer, so I didn’t give it a second thought until right this minute.
My heart soars as I walk into the kitchen and find her, hands on hips, scowling into an open fridge.
She spins toward me, pointing at the door. “We need to go out.”
My pulse skips faster. I don’t remember the last time she volunteered to go out of the house without it being for therapy, doctors and surgical appointments, or surgeries themselves.
“Did I forget to put a doctor’s appointment on my calendar?”
