He glanced over at her. There was nothing much behind that gaze, but it only made her feel worse.
“Maybe I can find your soul, if you haven’t had the luck.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Shao Qing stopped in his tracks. Zhi Lan turned to face him, feeling feverish and reckless.
Guilt and grief were not easy feelings to sit with. They had weighed upon her like stones ever since she refused that nobleman’s offer all those years ago. Zhi Lan’s situation was nowhere near as tragic as Shao Qing’s, but at the very least, she had the support of her loved ones.
Shao Qing had no one.
She understood why he would want numbness over grief. But to lose grief was to lose love, and that was a steep price to pay.
They had reached the edge of the forest, the trees falling away to an open expanse of city. Zhi Lan held the red pouch in one hand and Master Dan’s ruined painting in the other. She had nothing left to lose. Perhaps if she couldn’t save herself, she could save someone else.
“What do you want in return?” Shao Qing finally said.
“Nothing.” Zhi Lan pushed the wet hair out of her face. “This isn’t a transaction.”
Shao Qing had helped her all this time. She wanted to return the favor even if she didn’t have to—even if nothing came of it. She was not entirely without manners, after all.
“Why, then?”
“BecauseIhave a soul.”
He shook his head slowly. “Does having a soul make you that foolish?”
“I’m only trying to help,” she said hoarsely.
Shao Qing walked toward the city, not bothering to look at her as he said, “Save your effort. You should worry about yourself.”
Zhi Lan glanced down, assessing the objects in her hands and her disheveled clothing. Her throat tightened, the sting of his words sobering her.
Ma had always said to leave broken men to their own fate—that there was no one who could fix them but themselves. Zhi Lan knew this to be true, yet Shao Qing was in no condition to fix himself. He needed a push, and she was willing to give it.
Still, did she really have time to argue with a husk of a man who seemed almost content with his condition?
Zhi Lan drew in a breath and centered herself. Her first duty was to her master. She had gone on this journey for his sake, and she couldn’t be side-tracked quite yet. Master Dan was waiting for her. She needed to hurry back and bear the consequences with him.
Zhi Lan pressed her lips into a grim line and followed Shao Qing into the city.
