“I don’t think I can be a princess,” I choked out.
Bennett was silent for a moment. “Is this about that gossip column?”
“You read it?” I said miserably.
“You gave it to me. When you returned my notes.”
I pulled away, humiliated. “I...I didn’t mean to. You weren’t supposed to read that!”
Bennett cupped my face, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “Cissa. It’s just gossip.”
“There’s some truth to it.” I sniffed. “I’m not ready to be a crown princess. I can’t sit for hours at meetings or read reports or take endless pages of notes like you do. You’re so much better than me. I love my cats and I love Greenwood Abbey. A-and my crimson lips are leading you astray!”
A smile wavered at the corner of Bennett’s mouth. He coughed, then laughed. The sound rung clear and merry in the dark room.
“Cissa, nothing you did with me for the past month were your duties. They weremine. You asked to shadow me, so I thought you had a particular interest,” Bennett said. “Didn’t anyone tell you that your education as crown princess won’t start untilafterwe’re wed?”
My lips parted. “I...no.”
“Then I must have a talk with Ulysses. You were free to spend your time before our wedding as you chose,” Bennett said. “And I am not better than you. You and me...we have different roles in this palace. They are equally important no matter what anyone else says. This ball is a success becauseyouplanned it. Didn’t you see how happy the ambassadors were?”
Decidedly not. I had been too busy being miserable.
“I love our cats too, Cissa. As for your crimson lips...” Bennett broke off into another laugh. “Good heavens. I can’t imagine what that means.”
Bennetthadn’tbeen disappointed in me. I had spent the past month crumbling under invisible expectations. A mixture of gratitude and love and relief swept over me. I managed a shaky smile.
“But that’s not all, is it?” Bennett asked, growing serious again. “You can talk to me, Cissa.”
“Well, when the ambassadors came, we were so busy,” I said. “Youwere so busy and...and serious. I felt like afoolfor wanting you.”
Last spring, I had promised to share his duties to Olderea. I knew half his heart belonged to the kingdom, even before I loved him. But it wasn’t until now did I realize I was so selfish as to want all of it.
Bennett was silent. I was afraid I had offended him, but he didn’t push me away.
“You’ve been so distant,” I said quietly. “Why wouldn’t you kiss me that night?”
Bennett withdrew his handkerchief from his waistcoat pocket and offered it to me. He looked away for a moment, as if embarrassed. “I wanted to kiss you. In truth, every moment I had to spend with those ambassadors I wanted to spend with you.”
“Really?”
“Really.” He sighed and ducked his head. “I know I’ve been distant. Father always treated our family like a distraction when he was working. I suppose I’ve begun to think of you as one too. It’s what he would’ve done.”
I cursed myself for being so self-centered, even as some of his words stung. I’d never thought Bennett would have his own struggles. He always seemed so calm, so confident in his role.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Bennett shook his head. “I’m the one who should apologize, Cissa. Father was wrong. He hurt us. I don’t want to hurt you too. But I see I already have.” He looked down and entwined his fingers in mine. “I didn’t mean to treat you like I didn’t love you. It’s just that duty and intimacy is a hard balance for me to strike.”
I squeezed his hand. “Let me help.”
He gave me a grateful smile. “You’re helping by understanding. And letting me know when you’re upset...which you have every right to be. Heaven knows I felt the same way when you were making that potion. All I wanted was for you to stop looking at that recipe book and pet me again.”
I laughed. “Are you sure that wasn’t just because you were a cat?”
Bennett grinned. “No. I already knew I missed being close to you,” he said. “And I missed admiring you, too.”
He trailed a hand down the same feather-light path he had the other night—from my neck and down my back, leaving my nerves singing in his wake.
