“C’mon, Fab, take it down a notch. You’re obviously still in character. Nobody is watching anymore. And you’ve got to stop taking your role so seriously. You almost gave me a heart attack with that conversation with the women.Let’s live together. I don’t want to wait a long time. I want a wedding. I love you. It sounded so real I was so confused.”
“I’m confused.” I took her hands off me and stalked to the windows. Looking her in the eye seemed painful and too much to bear right now. I’ve never thought I…”
“Okay, you’re starting to worry me. Fabio, what’s wrong?”
I’m in love with you. That’s what’s wrong. I can’t think straight. There’s a ring burning a hole in my pocket that I can’t get out of my mind. There are daring dreams building in my head I know might never come true yet I can’t bring myself to stop them before they ruin me.
But I couldn’t tell her any of that because we were at totally different places, and anything I said would scare her away and screw up my chances if I ever had any.
Her heels echoed toward me, and then she forced herself in front of me, making me look at her. “Fabio, please. Talk to me.”
“Move in with me.”What the fuck is wrong with you?my brain shouted at me.
“What?”
“When I’m with you, I forget all what I’ve learned about women all those years, all my tricks, all my games, all my charming ways to win a lady and become this dummy that can’t keep his mouth shut to, at least, have a fucking chance to get the girl. But yeah. Move in with me. And I’m not saying it because someone is watching.” I hadn’t said anything tonight because someone was watching. “I, Fabio, not your fake fiancé, want you to move in with me.”
She stammered and shrugged and stammered again.
“Think about it. We don’t have to do it right away. Next month, next year, I don’t care as long as itcanhappen.”
“It’s too early.”
“It’s not early for me.” I wanted to touch her, to show her how I felt the only way I knew how, maybe she’d understand, maybe I’d get to her and she’d finally start to understand, but if looking at her was too much, then how hard would touching her be, knowing it might be the last time? “I need to know.”
“Know what?”
“That we have a chance at something real. Because if we don’t…I can’t do this anymore.”
“What?” she whispered, her eyes glistening. “You want to leave?”
I winced. “I’d rather stop now than later. It’d hurt less. I hope.”
“But Fabio, what you’re asking for is…”
“Too much. More than I deserve. I know. I still want it.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. You deserve a lot. But I… I have nothing to give you.”
“You have everything I’ve ever wanted and more.Youcan give me everything, Gabi.”
“I’m eighteen years older than you are. If the roles were reversed, it might have worked, but in women’s years, eighteen is like fifty. I’m one foot in menopause, which means if you want this to be real and you think about having another child, I can’t give you that. Even if I wasn’t, I’m an emotional wreck. I’m not over what happened to my family. I’ll probably never be.”
“Gabi—”
“And I’m at that stage of my life where my priorities are different from anyone in their twenties or thirties. I’ve done things. I’ve traveled the world. I’ve won awards. I’ve lost more money than I’ve made. I’ve succeeded at things, and I’ve failed at others. I’ve lived. But you still have things to aspire for, to work hard for, to even discover about yourself. You’re just restarting your life.”
“Gabi—”
“In a few years, my body will never be the same. I won’t be able to do the things I barely can do now. I won’t be able to have sex as much as you want. My health is bound to deteriorate. I’ll be all wrinkly and saggy and fat with hair growing on the weirdest places ever. I’ll lose my fucking teeth. I’ll have veneers I’ll keep in a glass of water on the nightstand.”
My shoulders rocked as I laughed. “Toothless mouths give the meanest blow jobs.”
“But my knees will hurt so much I won’t be able to get on them to give you a blow job.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“I’ll be bald. You want to fuck a bald woman. You won’t have something to grab—”
