“Certo. You don’t know how much we miss you.”
“I miss you, too.” I glanced up from my plate. “And I love you, each one of you, so much I’d die for you. Emilia needs to understand that I care about her. I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“You think she doesn’t know that? She’s just a stubborn kid acting her age. Remind you of someone?”
Rolling my eyes, I let out an exaggerated sigh. Then I shook my head. “I don’t want her to be like me.” Someone so dirty people would regret allowing in their homes. Someone to be used at a hotel then discarded like a condom.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. You did what you had to do to take care of your family. At seventeen, suddenly had to carry a load a grown ass man would find backbreaking, what were you supposed to do?”
Not take the easy money. Study hard to get a decent job I wouldn’t be ashamed of telling my family about. They knew about the dancing, but never the whoring. “You’re all so proud of me now, huh?”
“I’ve always been proud of you, Fabio. I just hated to see you having to sacrifice so much for us. You are smart and beautiful and could have been anything you wanted.”
“So is Emilia.”
“She’ll be fine, ciccio. That girl never had to sacrifice anything in her life. Why would she do anything she didn’t have to? She’s just angry, but she’s smart enough to come around.”
“We can’t let her waste her life on some idiot she’s only with to spite me.”
“It’s her only way to get your attention.” She gave me a look darkened with reproach as she got up. “And if you’re not careful, your girl would grow up to do the same.”
I dropped the fork on the plate. “Mamma, per favore.”
“Listen, ciccio, there’s nothing bad per say about making some sad women happy. It’s not like you’re hurting people like you’d have if you’d returned nine years ago. But it’s not something you do for the rest of your life, especially when there’s no reason that makes you have to do it anymore.”
“Emilia and Carmen still need a lot of money to finish their education.”
“Emilia is almost eighteen. She could find a decent job while she studied like everybody else. She needs to start taking some responsibility for her life. And Mattia can help. You don’t have to carry the whole load all by yourself anymore. And for Carmen, you can still support her by finding another job. You’re twenty-six. It’s not too late to start living the life you want.”
“I like my job. It is what I want.” At least, that was what I thought until last night.
“No, you don’t.” Her lips puckered. “And neither would your daughter when she understood what you did for a living, when her friends wouldn’t understand the choices you had to make, when stupid boys would think she—”
“Basta, Mamma, ti prego.” I shot to my feet, pushing the table by accident, almost dropping the food.
“I’m sorry, son. I don’t want to get you upset, but someone had to say it. All the money in the world won’t help her then.”
“You think I haven’t thought about that? It’s not like I can put pole dancing and ass wiggling on a resume and expect corporate doors to open for me.”
“Maybe not put those on your resume then.” The voice came from behind me.
I spun to see my older sister in pink scrubs, leaning against the kitchen door frame, a goofy grin on her face.
“Get in here, rospo,” she said.
I caught her in a bear hug, lifting her short figure off the floor. She pushed at me, giggling. “Put me down.”
“Apologize first. You gotta stop calling me that.”
“Not in a million years. You looked like a frog when you were born. The name is accurate.” She tilted her head back, taking a look at me. “And you still look like a frog, so it stays.”
“Yeah? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I put her down only to tickle her. She tried to run, but I chased her to the couch and made her squirm with giggles until she begged for mercy. We’d done this goofiness a thousand times before. Why the fuck would it remind me of the woman I was here to forget? Why would I wonder if Gabriella would have reacted the same way as Mattia if I’d tickled her neck?
I stopped and slumped down on the couch, pushing away what I shouldn’t be thinking about.
“You all right?” she asked.
My daughter and Tiara came running through the door and jumped on my lap. I gave them both a kiss.
