Tears burned my eyes. “You have no idea how hard it is to deny your darkness. You have no idea how impossible it is to cut ties with a piece of you. When I wore that crown, Hell has become a piece of me, Kayden.”
“Belle, you’re scaring me.”
I ran both my hands through my hair and clasped them behind my head. “That fucking prophecy is like a curse that has a mind of its own. It needs to be fulfilled. Since Damien got the Darkborn it’s been nagging at me like his stupid whispers relentlessly… I have to do something.”
“Like what? Tumbling Heaven and Hell and start the war of all wars? Watch your sons fight my cousins until one of them kill each other so one of either kingdoms rise? Do you want to take that risk, Belle, with the boys’ lives at stake?”
I banged my forehead against my knees, my body acting like an addict in withdrawal.
“Hey, easy.” He hugged me. “Easy.”
Alec shifted into awareness, and Kayden filled him in, he, too wrapped his arms around me.
“There has to be something else. There must be something I can do to stop all this. What if I…” The idea seemed crazy in my head, but I was desperate. “What if I save her? What if I get her out of that deal somehow? This powerful darkness would be shattered and would no longer pull me in.”
Kayden held me tighter with his protectiveness. “Don’t you think that’s what Damien wants you to do? He wants to drag you out, to get you in Hell again where you’re not yourself anymore. Sweetheart, we can’t repeat the same shit. We almost lost you forever last time. Now, it’s not just about us, your mates, losing you. It’s about our children losing their mother.”
“Baby, why don’t we just wait a little bit on Heaven, see what they have to offer?” Alec suggested. “They’re delaying things to break you because they’re arrogant fucks and their pride gets in the way, but they’ll come around. They have to. They must know what you’re going through, and that it’s not in their favor.”
“The last time I didn’t listen, Heaven sent Zavariel to kill me before I became the queen of Hell. That’s their answer, Alec. That’s how they solve things. I’m not gonna sit on my ass, waiting for some pompous asses to act.” I slid out of their embraces and got to my feet. “I have to do this. Sometimes the only way is through.”
Kayden kicked the sheets and jumped toward me. “You’re not going down to Hell.”
“I need to get that girl out, and maybe when I go down there, Heaven will be intimidated enough to give us what they should’ve given us thirty fucking years ago.”
I rushed to the door, but Alec blocked me. “Baby, we can’t just let you go.”
“What are you gonna do? Shoot me and cuff me to bed again? Look how that turned out for you, for all of us the last time.”
“How about we vote?” Kayden said.
“Yeah. That’s a good idea. Your decision doesn’t affect you alone, Belle. It affects us all. Your family must have a say in it,” Alec agreed.
I missed you, Isabella. Thirty years, the longest I haven’t seen your face. Let me see you, darling. Just once. Come visit me for old times’ sake. Come see my new daughter. Come sit on your throne, darling. It’s been empty, weeping blood for the loss of its queen.
I snarled, shaking my head like a maniac.
“We’ll put this to a vote, baby, and you have to promise you’ll respect that vote.” Alec said, and Kayden didn’t wait for me to accept or refuse. He opened the door and called everybody to gather in the hall.
Fuck it. I knew how they were going to vote, but it wouldn’t solve anything. “Put some fucking pants on. Don’t traumatize the girls.” We had four of them, two from Joshua and the others were his.
Kayden rushed back in, and Alec guffawed. I glared at Alec. “You, too, asshole.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
They got dressed. All the family gathered outside in their pajamas, yawning. Then when the twin jerks explained, sleep flew off the eyes of the rest. The votes came in hastily.
A big fat fuck no to my going back to Hell.
I shifted, needing the run, the freedom, to let out some steam and shift my attention to any other side of mine than Queen Venath.
For hours, I ran until the Twilight sun dawned. To say I was spiraling was an understatement. I was drowning in a sea of fire. Two excruciating agonies tearing me apart. My fear for my family and the need to protect them. My need for Damien and the liberation the darkness brought me.
I shifted back and looked at the sky. “When does it end? I just want it to end.”
Maybe it was time for me to surrender, to swallowmypride. Maybe that was the answer I didn’t want to accept.
I fell to my knees and let out a defeated breath heavenward. “I guess you won.” I flipped off the sky. “Confuckinglations.”
