I swallowed and nodded back at him. Slowly, I started down the aisle, five hundred people watching. I glanced among the lavishly decorated pews and faces I’d only seen at my first wedding, my breath and step heavier by the second. Thank God for Alfarez. If he hadn’t been here, holding my arm, I’d have frozen or collapsed.
It was only when I saw Mario in Marta’s arms I collected myself and walked steadily. I kept my eyes on my baby until Alfarez nudged me to stop. I dragged my gaze away from Mario and realized I was there, standing next to Enzio.
“Take good care of her,” Alfarez told him as he let go of my arm. Enzio nodded once, and Alfarez squeezed my hand, smiling.
The priest started the ceremony, and all I could think of was that this was a bad case of déjà vu, like the one inThe Matrixmovies where when it occurred, something horrible was about to happen.
A year and a half ago, I was standing in a wedding dress before the same priest, listening to the same words, being watched by the same people, and next to me a man who looked exactly like the one standing now. Except my heart was dancing, not shrinking, my eyes were pinned to the groom, not to an invisible, blurring focal point, and my mind was imagining dirty, beautiful things, not plotting a murderous revenge plan.
Step one: stay alive.
Step two: slither among the Lanza vipers as one of them.
Step three: chop their heads off one by one and watch them bleed.
Step four: get my son out of this miserable life safely.
Step five: live in fucking peace.
“Have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?” the priest asked.
Enzio answered, unfazed. I, on the other hand, gulped. Lying shouldn’t be this difficult when my son’s life and mine were at stake, and I thought I could do it without a blink. It turned out this was much harder than I thought.
His jaw stiff, Enzio stared daggers at me in a silent warning. I averted my gaze and swallowed again. Then I nodded at the priest, nauseated. “I have.”
“Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?”
Fuck no. “I am.”
“Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”
Never.“I am.”
Enzio moved his lips with lies for vows I didn’t bother to listen to. When it was my turn, I mumbled some clichéd lines, sweating, trying not to lose my nerves.
“Join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and His Church,” the priest instructed.
Enzio took my hand in his, clasping it firmly, Cosimo’s ring digging in both our flesh. His hand was really big compared to mine, and while with Cosimo, it made me feel protected, with Enzio I felt nothing but small.
My head spun heavily. What if I couldn’t go on with my plan? What if I was really that small I’d never win against the Lanzas? What if there was so little I could do to have my revenge? What if I was too weak to protect my son?
“I, Enzio Alessandro Lanza, take you, Bianca Andrea Zanetti, to be my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
The priest peered at me wearily. I must have looked as pale as I felt. He smiled at me, his gaze a kind plea. He knew about this charade, and he, too, was reminding me I had to go through with it or I’d die.
I pushed down the lump in my throat with a swallow. “I, Bianca Andrea Zanetti, take you, Co—” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, Enzio hurting my hand with his squeeze. “Take you, Enzio Alessandro Lanza,” I forced his name out, “to be my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, untildeathdo us part.”
My free hand hovered around my thigh, and I glanced at Mario in Marta’s arms and Alfarez who sat next to her. She didn’t seem pleased with my performance, and I bet neither did the audience. Maybe Alfarez’s plan was my only chance to walk away with minimum damage.
As the priest blessed the rings, I took another glance at Alfarez, who just smiled in a silent confirmation. My nails dug into the fabric on my thigh, feeling the seams of the knife. All I had to do was get it out and stab Enzio. Then it’d be all over. The killer of my husband would be dead. My son and I would be free to start over in peace. It wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
My heart hammered in my chest as I gazed up at Enzio and scanned for the easiest spot to sink in the knife.
His stomach. His arm. His eye. No, right under his chin. Soft area. No fabric covering it. Easy to reach for my height when he bent for the kiss.
Fuck, we’re going to kiss.I panicked as if I wasn’t aware of that already. What the fuck was wrong with me? How could I forget something like that? Why didn’t I prepare myself for this shitty moment?
Nerves got the best of me, and it must have flashed in my eyes because Enzio was squinting at me, and his gaze fell to my shivering hand on my thigh.
