He swore, running both his hands through his thick hair, and threw himself on a chair.
I glanced at Kayden, waiting for him to lash out, too, but he was silent. His eyes said everything he needed to say. The blame, the rage…the fear.
I lifted my chin to stop myself from crying. “Stop looking at me like that. You have something to say, just say it.”
His jaws tightened, and then he let out a deep, heated breath. “You want to have sex with Damien, don’t you, Belle?”
Stunned at the bluntness, I just shifted my stare from one angry face to another. I didn’t want to answer that question. Not out in the open like that. I was struggling with the truth myself, having a hard time accepting it.
“Well, he knows that. He wouldn’t have dared go into your head and touch you if you hadn’t let him in.” Kayden faced me like a brutal mirror.
“Even so, the main reason I accepted his deal was to save you,” I mumbled.
“But Damien does want to seduce you. He knows one man is not enough for you, and you’ll be sad having to choose one. He also knows that at a claim, your sex drive will be at its highest. You will want to have more, and he will be there, making that connection he’s already made with you. There is a big chance, with the sadness and the heightened desire, you will let him have you at that moment.”
I blinked. Many times. “Let’s assume I did that, what’s the worst that can happen? I would have already chosen. He can’t have my soul. I’ll still belong to my mate.”
“Oh for crying out loud!” Alec kicked something. I was too distracted to see what it was. He jumped to his feet and paced the room again. “Let’s pretend your mate will be okay with sharing you with the fucking devil on claim night. But what if you’re not? What if you decide to switch sides?”
Anger surged in me. “Why would I do that?”
“Who the fuck knows? Why would you want to screw the devil in the first place? Who knows what happens, what changes in you when he’s actually inside of you?”
The questions hit me like heavy slaps on the face. None of them crossed my mind when I’d made that deal. I was truly blind to the consequences, thinking I had outsmarted the devil when he was the one who played me. How could I not see any of that logic?
“You’re right.” My head spun. “He made it look like I was in control, actually winning, while he knew all along that’s exactly what would happen on Halloween night.” I clutched my stomach, where Damien had touched me. “What was I thinking? With my mentality, with that side that craves him and scares the hell out of me? He blinded me. He…did what the devil always does, and I listened.”
“Yes, my love,” Joshua said, his somber expression never leaving him.
“And sadly, we have no jurisdiction in hell. We can’t save you there.” Alec wasn’t being sarcastic now. I could hear his pain behind the ugly truth.
“All what we can hold on to now is our faith in you, Belle. Our faith in your good side. The question is, do you have that faith in yourself?” Kayden became my mirror again, yet this time, my reflection was a complete blur.
CHAPTER 37
KAYDEN
HALLOWEEN NIGHT
It was cold even for the end of October, as if all the heat had been drained away into the earth. Through the road rose the werewolves, the devils, the vampires and the monsters. The fake ones not the real. The real beasts wore tuxes, and their waiting bride was in a white dress with flowers in her hair.
The bride I’d never had.
She was with me in the truck as I drove to the woods. Alec had gone with the vampire to the clearing. The bears didn’t want to be there as always.
“You look so handsome in that tux,” she said.
I tried to smile. “Thank you. You look…so beautiful. Your mate, whoever he is, is a very lucky bastard.”
“Thanks. I guess.” He inhaled deeply and let that breath out slowly. “Kayden…”
“Yes, baby?”
“Why haven’t you… Why are you still waiting? Tonight is the night all this ends, and there’s a good chance it won’t end well. Why haven’t we had our time together? Do you not want me?”
“Of course, I want you. There has been no time when I didn’t want you.”
“Then why?”
