Within minutes on the dance floor, I felt boneless, mindless, deliciously untethered. Katrina moved around me, yell-sang the songs, blending in the mass of sweaty bodies around us.
I wanted my youth to linger a little bit. This was how I could have spent my early twenties: at clubs and frat parties, under the lights, dancing in a scrap of a dress, meeting men who wanted to devour me, watching my friends be wild and silly and young.
I didn’t have to get married to an abusive motherfucker when I was twenty-one. I didn’t have to get married at all.
For the love of me, I couldn’t wrap my mind around how blind I had been. I chose that. I chose to be Professor Montgomery’s wife. He was charming, not just for a professor. He dressed to the nines in suits and expensive shoes. He spoiled me, taking me to all these fancy restaurants, buying me ridiculously expensive gifts. And I was poor, with a scholarship I guarded with my life; I couldn’t afford college any other way.
He took me in. Helped me with my studies. Convinced me I had to become a teacher and promised he’d be there every step of the way. I couldn’t see his intention was to keep me under his eyes, all for him, at all times.
Back then, Declan was a dream come true for me, and for two years before we got married, I loved every part of us. I should have known then that behind that charming facade hid a monster.
It was the little things I should have paid attention to from the start, like the designer clothes and shoes he bought me. I was flattered and fucking happy, but then I realized he was trying to control what I wore, when I wore it and for whom. Then the control at school, picking my classes and friends for me, pushing away those who kept warning me about him.
I actually believed he was protecting me, and he was the only one who loved me more than anyone else in the world.
Until I had no one but him.
Everybody else thought I didn’t want them in my life. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I was so alone and scared. My body wasn’t mine anymore. It was his to do with what he wanted whenever he wanted. I was rape fucked, body and mind and soul, every day, and everybody thought I was a happy, snobby, gold digger bitch.
I stopped moving, tears pricking my eyes against my will.
“Hey, don’t think,” Katrina yelled over the music. “Just dance, birthday girl.”
I nodded fast and lifted my chin to the playful lights so my tears wouldn’t spill. I danced my heart out, telling myself it wasn’t too late. I was twenty-eight today. Life was still ahead of me. Katrina was a living, bouncing example I could still learn to live and enjoy life.
Swirling, I met the dark eyes again. Just behind Katrina, set into the shadows off the dance floor, Alec stood, and neither of us looked away.
He was sipping his bourbon without a care in the world. I could tell by how unsurprised he seemed to be caught staring that he’d been watching my every move.
And he wanted me to know.
That was more potent than the blue and purple alcohol I’d downed earlier. It heated every inch of my skin, burned a hole deep down into my belly. It was dangerous in an exciting way.
A smile spread across my face as my arms stretched up to the ceiling. I could feel the hem of my dress inching up my thighs and didn’t care. I wondered if he noticed.
I hoped he noticed.
Never in my life had I felt so hot, so completely in control of what I wanted; I wanted to dance like crazy with a smoldering stranger standing in the shadows, watching me.
“He’s creepy but sexy as fuck,” Katrina said. “And if his dick is as big as it looked in those pants, I say you give it a shot.”
I slapped a hand over my gaping mouth. “You noticed that, too?”
“I’d be blind if I didn’t.”
“You’re a happily married mom.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes…and a pussy.”
I giggled like a girl old enough to be in my class. Then all the drinks I had hit me hard in the bladder. “I think I peed myself a little. I’ll be right back.”
Weaving as I stepped off the dance floor, her arm steadied me. “Do you need me to come with you?”
“No, keep dancing. I’ll be back in a minute. Maybe order some more drinks?”
“All right. I’ll tell them to have the cake ready, too.”
I couldn’t resist looking behind her to see if Alec was still there. But the shadows were dark and empty; he was no longer there watching me.
