But nope. It’s all here. Two bags stuffed full.
One with a broken wheel, too.
“Let me get that for you,” I say, reaching for her bags and setting them beside us.
Surprisingly, she doesn’t put up a fight. “So, where’s our place?” Collie shivers as she speaks, and I really fucking hope she packed some warm clothes in those bags of hers. Collie searches for something she won’t find.
Not out here, at least.
“Didn’t even prep your wife for the honeymoon, bubba?” Dirty Dan directs his question to me. “Seems you’ve got some learnin’ to do when it comes to marriage.” He leans into whisper, but it translates as a yell. “Pro tip: Never argue with your wife.”
“Not my wi—” I tell him at the same time Collie says, “There was no need. Right, honey? Not when I did all the planning.” Her eyes twitch, and her head nods at a freakishly high speed before turning to Dirty Dan. “My new husband here isn’t much of a planner. His priority was making sure we had plenty of alone time…if you know what I mean.” She winks, and it’s distracting. I bet that’s how she gets men in her bed.
Lures them in with her blue eyes made from perfectly polished sea glass.
“Uh…yeah. You know me,” I fake-chuckle while inwardly questioning her plan.
Dan laughs, gazing into Collie’s eyes. See what I mean? Distracting. “Oh, you bet your bottom dollar I get ya. In case those rangers never warned ya, the coyotes get loud at night. Best time to get after it if you find yourself in the mood.”
Good luck with that, buddy. I’ve known her a whole five hours, and those blues have already vandalized my nervous system a time or two.
“Jesus Christ,” I exhale, unsure how our conversation escalated to this.
Collie turns to high-five Dirty Dan before muttering, “My guy has a hearty appetite for his woman. Good to know about the coyotes, though. Easton gets real growly before he com?—”
“That’s enough,” I snap, placing my hand over her mouth. It doesn’t cover the humor in her eyes, though. She thinks this is hilarious, and I have a feeling Dirty Dan has much more ahead for us than we think.
Fucking Sydney and her need to schedule everything.
“Well, alrighty then.” Dirty Dan claps before ushering ustoward our home away from home for the next two weeks. “I was worried all my hard work on your Love on the Range package would go to waste. These forests only host Till Bears Do Us Part Marriage Retreat every so often. Consider yourselves lucky. We’re gonna have us a grand ole time.”
The fuck?
“Love on the Range? Marriage Retreat?” I probe.
Who in the actual hell holds marriage retreats in the middle of Yellowstone National Park?
Collie glances my way, likely to confirm if I knew about this before offering for her to join me. Hopefully, the shock plastered across my face tells her everything she needs to know. And despite the news of this being much more than we thought, Collie takes it in stride.
I might even call it excitement. “Well, how could we possibly say no to some marital bonding? We are newlyweds, after all. But one important question: does this package you speak of include champagne?” Collie shrieks.
Does she seriously expect me to go along with this charade?
One look from the other couples here and they’ll know right away that Collie and I are not married. Fuck. We aren’t even a couple.
“Play along,” Collie whispers over her shoulder.
I grit my teeth and say, “Not like you’re giving me much of a choice.”
Dirty Dan grins, crooked smile on display. “Only the bottom shelf’s finest, pretty lady. I know you didn’t ask for my recommendation, but I’ll tell ya anyway. Say you decide to join us at any of these married couple events…make it the campfire sing-along. Our lead singer, Bert, used to be onAmerican Idol. You’re sleeping in the presence of legends.”
“Wait, seriously?” Collie gasps. “Did he win?”
“Nah.” Dirty Dan waves her off. “Didn’t make it past the first round before his guitar string broke.”
I lean toward Collie as we follow behind Dirty Dan toward our campsite. “Bet you that fat check in your pocket the wolves come out to play when Bert starts singing.” She shoves me, playing off my joke and urging me to shut it.
Despite how awkward this is and the white lie we now have to play off, we’re in Yellowstone National Park. This may not be how I saw my time here going, but I’m gonna make the most of it.
