‘Oh, Iamgoing.’ He gives me a fond, poor-misguided-you look. ‘I wasn’t wavering about leaving for Australia just because you look upset, Nee. Christ!’
‘No, I mean, really go. Go and enjoy Australia. This is an incredible opportunity for you, so what I’m saying is, go and be free. Don’t tell me you’ll be in touch. We both know you don’t mean it.’
‘Woah, bro, don’t say that.’
I give him a look. ‘It’s true. We’re both so young. Not to mention in possession of these incredible bodies. Justlookat my breasts!’
‘Now I am considering staying.’ He grins.
‘No, no,’ I insist. ‘What I’m saying is, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us and we should both move on with them. Separately. I don’t want to spend the next decade thinking about what could have been between us, just because you never got in touch. I don’t want to have you hanging over my life like that. At first I thought it was a good thing, like, how lucky I was to have those amazing memories in the first place. Now I see that the past should never define you.’
Hamish is scratching his head, looking a bit confused, and also still looking at my boobs. Can’t blame him, I can barely stop myself.
‘I want to move on with my life, properly,’ I continue. ‘I want to close this chapter so that I can open up some new ones. And honestly who knows if I’ll get to do that at this point. But one thing’s for sure, I’m tired of trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole, you know?’
Hamish does not know. He looks confused.
‘Are you suggesting we go have sex before my flight?’ he asks. ‘Because I’m game.’
Hamish has the emotional intelligence of a randy baboon.
‘Absolutely not.’ I sigh loudly.
‘Are you breaking up with me?’ he asks after a pause. ‘Because we said we’d see how it goes, right? This might be a little break but I’ll be back in twelve months, Nee. I thought we’d pick right up where we left off when I get back?’
‘Spoiler alert, you will not come back,’ I say wisely. ‘You will go and have such a brilliant time that you forget about me in weeks. And that’s okay! For the longest time I’ve been so deeply offended by that fact. I’d blamed myself, thought I’d done something wrong because otherwise, why would you have treated me like that? There had to be an explanation, a reason. Something more to help me make sense of it. So I put the blame at my feet. The past ten years of my life have been built on this fault line I made for myself, which shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Whatyou did wasn’t my fault. Turns out, Hamish, that you’re just a bit of a douche. I should never have let that crack open up in the first place. So now it’s on me to try and heal it.’
‘Dude, you’ve lost me.’
‘I know.’ I pat him on the back. ‘What I’ve come to realize, over the past few days, is that you actually make the right choice in Australia. Not the ghosting me thing, obviously, that’s a real dick move.’
‘What’s ghosting?’
‘Is ghosting not a thing yet? What year are we in?’
‘Nina, do you need to see a doctor?’
‘No, no!’ I say cheerily. ‘I’m perfectly well. Magnificent, actually. Saying this makes me feel free for the first time in so, so long. It’s such a relief, like a weight has been lifted. Adieu, Hamish! Au revoir!’
I start waving, which is unfortunate because he’s not moving off yet, so I’m just waving straight into his face.
‘I’m not going.’
‘WHAT?’
‘You’re right, I can’t leave you like this.’
‘Sorry, at what point did I say you can’t leave me?’
‘You don’t have to say it with words, Nee. I understand you on a much deeper level.’
‘No, you don’t,’ I insist, extending the handle of his suitcase and putting it directly into his hand.
‘I’m addicted to you, Nina. Especially when you get all cross and tetchy and shouty like you are now. I can’t get enough. I’ll stay. We’ll be together forever.’
‘OH FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE!’
People in the airport are stopping and staring now.
