‘I did say that I love that song, though, remember?’ Callum adds.
‘Well, there you go then,’ I say. ‘You’ve already witnessed mine.’
Callum shakes his head. ‘Nice try, Moss, but you’re not getting away with that. You have definitely done some far moreembarrassing things than singing a song from 1999 as you snuck into an unoccupied bit of aircraft.’
My gaze meets his, delighted. ‘1999?’
Callum shrugs. ‘Like I say, I like the song.’
‘This is too good.’ I shift my position so that I’m lying with my back on the ground and my legs up against the wall. Don’t ask me why, it makes sense when I’m drunk.
‘All right, let’s see. Okay, so my best friend Penny and I went out for dinner to celebrate her birthday last year, and we had a lot of cocktails. Naturally we became ridiculous in this fancy restaurant. You know when you’re laughing so much you basically forget you need the loo?’
‘I’m scared to hear where this is going,’ Callum says.
‘By the end of the night I’m super tipsy and also desperate for the loo and I do not pay attention to where I’m going, I just stumble into the nearest bathroom. It’s one of those confusing toilet signs where you need a degree just to figure out which one you’re meant to go in or if they’re unisex.’
Callum leans against the wall, arms on knees, and beckons for me to go on.
‘It’s only once I’ve used the bathroom and am putting lipstick on in the mirror that I spot the urinals behind me. Which means I’m definitely in the men’s bathroom. Which is also fine, because I can sneak back out again, no problem. But that’s when Alexander Skarsgård walks in.’
‘No!’ Callum is thrilled.
‘Yes.’
‘I love him,’ he says.
‘Me too! But I tell you what, I don’t think Alexander Skarsgård loves me, not after my behaviour in the men’s bathroom that night.’
‘Please continue,’ Callum says, rapt, and I adore this about him. The way he makes me feel like he’s hanging off my every word, like nothing else matters in this moment.
‘Well,’ I pause. ‘My first reaction was to squeal his name at him really loudly because I was very excited to see him in the flesh. Who wouldn’t be?’
‘Hard agree.’
‘But then I realized that I was, in fact, in the men’s loos with Alexander Skarsgård and instead of, you know, apologizing and walking out of there with my head held high, I just started waffling on about how much I loved him in all his movies and he’s just standing there, being so polite even though he has clearly come into the bathroom for one reason only. And when itfinallydawns on me that I might be holding him up, I start handing him reams of toilet roll to facilitate his trip to the bathroom. It was toe-curlingly awful.’
Callum is rumbling with laughter.
‘See? Very embarrassing.’
‘I don’t know,’ he counters. ‘If I were Alexander Skarsgård I’d have been delighted to find you in the bathroom.’
‘You would?’
‘I would.’
I’m experiencing a head rush and it’s not just because I’m lying down with my legs kicked up against a wall. I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m now certain that Callum likes me. No, scratch that, he definitely hates me but he also likes me, right? That love-hate thing? It’s the exact same way I feel about him.
I roll myself back to a sitting position.
He’s sitting opposite, one leg now splayed out in front of him, the other bent at the knee. His right elbow rests against that right knee, propping his head in his right hand. His eyes don’t leave mine.
I narrow mine at him.
‘What’s that look for?’ he asks.
‘You,’ I reply.
