‘Kat has sent Callum, our arch rival, on this trip to Australia,’ I explain, remembering my seize-the-day mantra. If this convo goes tits up, at least I’ll get to try it again tomorrow and no one else will remember, which is some consolation.
‘Ourarch rival?’ Ellie taps her bright green fingernails against her chin, looking confused.
‘Ellie, you don’t need to pretend that he’s a good guy in front of Kat,’ I say, looking round to make sure I’m out of earshot for Callum. Looks like he’s found a sweet old lady to talk to.
‘In fact,’ I say, ‘I think it’s time Kat learned some home truths, don’t you? What happened at the Christmas party was not okay, Ellie. Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve tried to have this conversation with you so many times since.’
‘Is that what you’ve been doing every time you come to me looking all serious, like somebody died?’ Ellie asks.
‘Yes!’ I reply. Hasn’t she figured that out already? ‘You kept telling me you were busy until I stopped coming over. I just assumed that you needed the space to digest it all.’
‘Babes, OMG,’ Ellie laughs. ‘I cannot handle serious convos, you know that! That’s why I kept shooing you away.’
‘And that’s okay,’ I say. ‘I just want you to know that I’m here for you.’
Ellie scrunches up her face.
‘Sorry, babes, but what are you going on about?’
‘Yes, I’d like to get to the bottom of this too,’ chips in Kat. ‘You didn’t really warm to Cal from the moment he joined our team at the end of last year, but it was the Christmas party that really seemed to seal your dislike of him. I remember you coming in the next day positively enraged. After that, it was like he was your sworn enemy.’
‘He is my sworn enemy! Ellie, he should never have taken you home at the end of the night.’
Ellie’s hot pink eyes widen. Kat looks similarly surprised.
‘Babes,’ Ellie says slowly. ‘Are you suggesting I banged Bang?’
‘I’m suggesting he took advantage of you.’
‘Hang on …’ Kat waves a finger at me. ‘Hadn’t you left by that point, Nina? I’m sure you’d gone long before Cal and Ellie went home.’
‘Well, yes, but I saw them both arrive at the office together the next day, and I heard they’d left together, and—’
‘Oh babes.’ Ellie looks very disappointed. ‘You jumped to all the wrong conclusions.’
‘Did I?’ I blink.
‘Yes. Oh my God, LOL that you came up with that little story.’ She snorts. ‘Firstly because Cal is way,waytoo vanilla for my liking. I was steaming drunk that night and even then, he would not be my type. Nina! You know I heart sigmas with tattoos, trust funds and a penchant for ketamine.’
Why is she talking about the Greek alphabet while discussing her paramours?
‘I need rizz,’ Ellie continues, clutching her chest. ‘I need kiss curls at the back, you understand?’
‘Right.’ I say, not understanding at all.
Ellie snorts again. ‘Can’t believe you thought me and Cal hooked up. You know what, though? He was a total hero that night. I was supposed to be meeting my boyfriend at a rave after the office Christmas party, so naturally I spent the entire work do pre-loading. Those cocktails were lethal and also free! The party had almost wrapped when I got a call from Meteor.’
‘From who?’ I ask.
‘Meteor, my boyfriend. Keep up! I should say my ex-boyfriend. He legit dumped me that night, right there and then on the phone, just as I was about to go and meet him. I was in absolute bits because we’d been dating for a full three months which was my personal best and I really liked him and we had loads in common and anyway, I was a state. You remember, right?’ She glances at Kat.
‘I do,’ confirms Kat, turning her attention to me. ‘Poor Ellie. I’ve seen a lot of heartbreak in my time but this was something else. Usually people go through a sort of grief, first, but this one propelled straight to pure rage. You were coming up with ways to get your revenge, weren’t you, darling?’
‘That’s right! I was going to pour paint on his car, and then I was going to run his toothbrush around the toilet … the list went on.’
‘It was just me, Cal, Ellie and Jan from accounts left by that point, wasn’t it?’ Kat says.
‘Yeah,’ agrees Ellie. ‘Cal suggested I stay somewhere else that night, because Meteor was planning on moving out the next day. He thought it might be best if I didn’t see him.’
