Callum looks unconvinced, but if I don’t get this Hamish story out soon I will explode, and as much as it pains me to say please to Callum, the odds are stacked.
‘Goodness, Moss. If we must,’ he says, motioning for me to continue.
At this point the seatbelt sign finally pings off and people around us start standing up and stretching their legs.
‘I’m listening,’ he adds, also taking the opportunity to stand up and pull his jumper off. In doing so, Callum reveals more than a glimpse of toned torso.
One of the divorce party, sitting immediately to our rear, starts to cheer.
‘Are you here to take all your clothes off?’ another asks. ‘Because if so, I’m going to need to video this.’
I can’t help but giggle as a very flustered Callum motions towards his seat. ‘No, no,’ he says, holding his hands up. ‘I’m, er, sitting back down now.’
‘Shame,’ says the woman behind me.
‘Boo!’
‘Get your pecs out for the girls,’ heckles another.
The look on Callum’s face. I’m shuddering with laughter as he hurriedly sits back down, shrinking into his seat as much as his height will allow. I pop my head over my seat, looking back to the row of women, two immediately behind us, another four in the middle aisle.
‘Good news,’ I tell them with a twinkle in my eye. ‘He’s single.’
‘Delicious,’ says divorcee Jennifer. ‘Tell me, how does he feel about cougars?’
‘Very positive,’ I confirm.
‘Unbelievable,’ Callum tuts as I turn to face him. He’s scowling at me, pulling a baseball cap down low over his face. ‘I’ll have my revenge, Moss, just you wait.’
FOUR
Callum’s revenge comes thick and fast. He knows I’m itching to offload to somebody, anybody about meet-cutes in general, even though he doesn’t know the specifics yet. Hamish! He’s on this very flight! Even without the specifics, Callum has decided to shut me down, pointedly putting his earphones back in and embarking on an entire film.
So selfish.
I consider turning back to the group behind me, who will probably be way more on my radar than Callum anyway, but Jennifer is now asleep and the rest of the gang are plugged in to their screens.
Damn it.
The drinks trolley is wheeled out and I’m offered a wine. Seems like perfect timing? Callum orders a whisky, flashing a dazzling look at the flight attendant before plugging back into his film.
A meal is delivered, and I’m already starting to get a bit confused by the time of day. It’s only lunchtime in England but the cabin crew are calling this dinner? Are they working to Australia time? Not that it matters too much, because the plane food on this long-haul flight looks surprisingly not awful. On the short-haul flight to Barcelona I made with Penny last year, I ordered a hamand cheese baguette and was presented with a weapon of mass destruction. The tray in front of me now looks much more appealing! I’ve got a prawn salad to start, some noodles, a little baguette which is not making my IBS flare up from just looking at it, a fruit bowl and, ooh, what’s a Tim Tam? Looks biscuity and therefore right up my street. Throwing decorum to the breeze, I begin with the Tim Tam and Callum gives me a mildly disgusted look, as if he thinks I’m an animal.
I give him a shrug, eyes wide in appreciation.
Tim Tams are good!
While I eat, I drum my fingers on my pull-out table, desperate to offload this huge, Hamish-shaped life update and also absolutely acknowledging that Tim Tam followed by prawn is, in reality, not an ideal combination. What would the Glucose Goddess say? My stomach makes noises in protest. Our trays are cleared away, Callum’s film finishes, he pulls out his earphones and resolutely does not look at me. Jawline set. Stubborn as hell.
That’s it, I’m just going to go and find Hamish.
I’m about to get up when the plane starts juddering, not a lot, but enough to make my stomach fall.
The copilot announces that we’re experiencing ‘a bit of turbulence’.
It’s only when Callum turns to me, looking for all the world to see like he is actually worried about me, that I realise my knuckles are white as I grip the sides of my seat.
‘Should it be doing this?’ I whisper. ‘The bumpy thing?’
