TWENTY-TWO
Nervous anticipation ripples through my veins as we board the Airbus from Singapore to Perth. I almost can’t let myself hope that this might be our last flight, and a part of me has already decided that I have to accept that what I have right now is enough. Yes, being stuck in a time loop is disorientating and weird and definitely not my first choice, but if I’ve learned anything from this entire debacle, it’s that I have to live in the present. Make the most of what’s happening in my life now, because who knows what could be just around the corner.
I don’t want my life to be dictated by the fear of what-if. I especially don’t want to live my life believing the best has already been and gone, because that did not serve me well. Right now, all I have for certain is today, so I’m going to flaming well make the most of it.
I turn to look at Callum as he fixes his seatbelt, notice that he’s thoughtfully plugged my phone in to charge next to him. He catches me looking and gives me this show-stopping smile.
‘What is it?’ I laugh.
He shakes his head like he can’t quite figure out the answer to that. ‘It just feels good, that’s all. Being here with you. Having youlook at me like that. Do you remember when you told me to stop looking at you with my eyeballs?’
I drop my head into my hands.
‘I may have said some stupid stuff,’ I reply.
‘I had the hardest time trying to avoid looking at you after that.’
‘You did?’
‘Imagine going to your favourite café on an empty stomach and being told you can’t even look at the cinnamon buns, let alone eat one.’
‘Cinnamon buns are my absolute favourite.’
‘I know,’ he says. And I’m so surprised that he knows this about me. It dawns on me that he’s been listening this whole time. Quietly absorbing facts about me. It makes my heart swell to think about it. I can’t believe I’ve been so blind to Callum for so long.
‘Cal?’ I say.
‘Mmm.’
‘I’ve got more questions.’
‘I’ll answer anything you ask.’
‘Where were you yesterday? On Monday Seven? I was so excited to see you and when you weren’t here I just, oof, itsucked. A lot. I thought we’d missed our chance.’ My voice cracks at this and he reaches out, takes hold of my hand, his thumb drawing tender circles on the inside of my palm. It’s both soothing and distracting.
‘I was going to ask you the same thing,’ he says. ‘I got to Heathrow and couldn’t find you. Searched everywhere. Eventually I rang Kat and she sounded so surprised that you’d even be going on this trip, like it was the weirdest idea in the world to put us together for it.’
‘So, did we somehow wipe each other out of the picture yesterday?’
Callum shrugs. ‘I’ve given up trying to figure out how this is all happening. It’s way beyond my comprehension. I just thought, fuck, this is it. She’s gone.’
‘That’sexactlyhow I felt. Maybe we needed a day without each other to really understand what we were missing?’
‘I don’t know,’ says Callum. ‘Pretty sure I already knew.’
My heart skips at this.
‘Jesus, yesterdayreallydragged without you.’ He pulls his glasses off and rubs a hand across his jaw. ‘I thought I’d lost you.’
‘Same.’ I exhale. ‘I got really friendly with the divorce party, though.’
‘Oh man, me too.’ Callum grimaces.
I bite my lip. ‘Was Jennifer sitting in my seat?’
‘Yes!’
‘Did she eat you alive?’ I chuckle.
