‘Misguided self-preservation.’ He nods. ‘So this time, when I got the chance to go back, I undid some of those things. For a start, it became very clear that Modern Day Me was never going to end up with Sara-from-ten-years-ago. Christ, she was annoying. So ditzy!’
‘It does make you wonder what was going through our minds all those years ago,’ I offer.
‘Definitely. Life is a learning curve.’
‘Yup. Got to kiss some frogs before you meet your prince.’ I joke.
‘Does that make you the prince in this situation?’ Callum asks with a grin.
‘One hundred per cent.’ I adjust an imaginary crown. ‘So do you feel different, now?’
‘Like a weight’s been lifted.’
‘It’s so weird, because you never gave off shut-down vibes to anyone apart from me. That’s what I couldn’t understand when we first met. How come this guy was always so charming and open to absolutely everybody apart from me.’
‘Can’t you see why?’
I shake my head.
‘The first day we met was a very confusing time for me, Nina. You took my breath away when I first saw you, standing there in the office in that polka-dot trouser suit.’
‘I love that trouser suit! I actually can’t wait for the winter so I can dig it out again.’
‘I look forward to that,’ murmurs Callum. ‘And I remember fighting hard not to stare at you because I did not want to be that guy, but every now and then I’d glance over and you’d be laughing with colleagues or tapping away on your computer or swishing your ponytail from left to right and, Christ, Nina. The things you did to me.’
‘I had no idea.’
‘And then you walked past the kitchen and you were so rude. And I remember reeling. How could this beautiful woman be such a douche?’
‘Oh my God!’ I snort. ‘I was not being a douche.’
‘I know that now,’ he says, leaving a long and deliberate pause.
‘And neither were you,’ I fill in, pretending to roll my eyes. ‘Although, you still kind of were, actually. What with all the aloof behaviour whenever we talked.’
‘Because I liked you from the moment we met. So I shut myself down around you. That self-preservation you were talking about.’
The plane’s coming into land as I try to process this.
‘You thought I’d do a Sara on you?’
Callum shrugs.
‘Maybe not that, but I was still living life by my stupid old rules. With Sara, I kept offering up more of myself and it was never good enough. I spent our whole relationship trying to twist my world to fit into hers. And after Dover, I said I’d never do that again. So when you came along, like a firework exploding on a cold, dark night, I did what I always do. Shut down.’
‘So, what’s changed?’ I finally dare to ask.
‘Dover Part Two was a very different experience. Living it again helped me to see that I’d done nothing wrong, first time around. I just needed to stop beating myself up about it.’
‘Sounds enlightening.’
‘Very much so.’
‘But, Callum, what happened then? How did your loop start over?’
Callum rubs his forehead. ‘Nope. It’s too embarrassing.’
‘Oh come on!’
