CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
AllThe Emotions are jostling for space in my head as I walk towards the playground where I’m due to see the former-best-friend I’ve ignored for almost a decade and the two half-sisters I’ve never met. There stands Holly with her girls. The older one, Everly, is pushing baby Willow on the swings. It’s the idyllic family scene.
I linger at the park gates, unsure what to do next, when Holly waves me over so I walk over, feeling equal parts awkward and excited.
‘Hello,’ I say, crouching down to get closer to the littles.
‘HAROO!’ booms Willow.
‘That means hello,’ Everly tells me. ‘Willow’s just learning how to speak. She can say “swings” too, can’t you Willow?’
‘SWEEEEE,’ the little girl beams with pride.
‘Oh very impressive,’ I reply. I am so rubbish at talking to children. What do you even say? Thankfully Everly has none of my millennial angst. She grabs my hand and pulls me over to a bench.
‘You’remy half-sister,’ she says.
‘I am.’
‘My friend Annie has a half-sister because her mum met another man who she liked better than Annie’s dad, only he’s a musician so Annie’s half-sister hardly ever sees her dad. But one time he came to pick her up from school and he had a bodyguard and everything because he’s a proper rock star. Why haven’t we met before?’
Bloody hell.
‘It’s a bit complicated.’
‘It’s okay. I’m nearly eight and really grown up. Is it because Mummy and Daddy love each other?’
‘Um, no, well, yes, I mean. . .’ I clear my throat. ‘Your mummy and I were very good friends, and I was upset when she fell in love with your daddy–’
‘Your daddy too.’
‘Yes,ourdaddy.’
Everly swings her legs to-and-fro on the bench. She’s wearing some badass trainers and a dress which makes her look like a miniature Lily Allen circa that first album heyday. Then Willow toddles over, one fist in a packet of organic baby snacks as she crams – pea puffs? – into her mouth. Unsure what to do with her dirty hands, she wipes pea puff dust through her hair.
‘Ja-Ja,’ she says, offering me the now-empty packet of snacks.
‘That means she likes you,’ says Everly. ‘Willow only shares with people she likes.’
‘Thank you,’ I smile, feeling like the proudest sister ever.
‘Why didn’t you want to meet us?’ Everly persists.
Ilook up to the skies, searching for a child-friendly way to explain to her what happened. Why I couldn’t forgive Dad, or Holly, for what they’d done. Why the hate I felt for them was greater than the love I might have felt for my half-sisters. Only, I can’t find any words and I don’t think it’s because I’ve had zero practice in conversing with children. Everly is waiting patiently for me to reply and Willow is mushing mud and twigs into a pile on the ground. And that’s when it hits me. Thinking about what happened normally makes my heart sink and my shoulders drop, but now I feel. . . full? I’ve let this weigh me down for so long and for what? Right here in this playground is what life is all about. Just look at my beautiful sisters! It took an seven-year-old (who clearly has more poise, grace and tact than I will ever possess) to help me realise that none of that stuff matters anymore. Why on earth have I been carrying all that around with me for so long when I could have been running around a playground in South London with two absolute legends who I am already proud to call my family.
I take Everly’s hand and tell her the truth. ‘I did want to meet you, but I was being a bit silly. Forgive me?’
‘Always,’ she grins. ‘Can I please plait your hair?’
My hair’s in a French plait like I’m trapped in the nineties, adorned with bits of twig that Willow found on her potter around the park, plus a couple of discarded lolly sticks she discovered by the bin. I don’t need to look in a mirror to know that this isn’t my strongest look, but I’m one hundred per cent certain I’ve never felt happier.
‘Nice “do”,’ Holly teases.
‘Thanks,’ I puff up my hair like the sassy lady emoji.
‘Wouldyou like some blusher now?’ Everly suggests. I look around for what she means by blusher. . . She’s found a half-eaten Dip Dab on the floor.
‘NO! Mo. Stick.’ That was Willow. I have zero clue what she’s saying but Holly and Everly are fluent in baby chat.
