CHAPTER NINETEEN
TREATYO’SELF. That’s my new motto. Hot Damn, Harry suggested I treat myself to his naked bod half way through our swim and after swallowing half a litre of water in shock, I politely declined. Not because I didn’t fancy the pants off him (I did) or because I was worried about the logistics of sex in a lake (I was). Nope, I just decided to pass.I know.It’s one of those situations that I will look back on fondly for the rest of my life. Skinny dipping with a sexy Dane in the middle of a beautiful forest is not a normal kind of date for me but ever since I started testing the waters with anything but my old type, I’ve been opened up to a whole new world of experiences. Boffing Harry the CEO would have been pretty sweet but right now I feel happy to go at my own pace.
Instead, I’m treating myself to something even better. A night out with Mila! I’m so excited to catch up and do some proper bonding with my best girl tonight. I push the door open to our favourite bar, a brand new, polka dot red skirt swooshing at my legs. I bought lots of new things on that tipsy smash and grab around the shops with Becky in Copenhagen, which turns out to be the best way to shop. I love everything I bought, even if it means another month of beans and freezer toast beckons. So, get this, I don’t always wear jeans and a t-shirt anymore! Becky cajoled me into trying on shorts in CPH and after laughing at her a lot, I told her that my thighs are better off covered up. She shouted some obscenities at me, pushed me in the changing room and when I pulled a pair of white(WHITE!) cut-offs over my tush I was pleasantly surprised. My legs are pale and not-so-smooth but they’re also my legs. They shone brightly up at me, grateful to be seeing the light of day, and I decided there and then that they should bloody well get an airing. Tonight’s skirt has a slit up the side and my pins are back on display as I walk through the bar to find. . .
Ben.
BEN?!
I cast around for Mila but I can’t see her.
He looks as surprised as I feel.
‘Hello kiddo,’ he says with a quizzical look, taking a slow sip of beer.
‘Ben!’ I sound too cheery. ‘I didn’t know you were coming too.’
‘Too? I didn’t know you were coming full stop. Thought you were still in Denmark.’
We size each other up while I chuck my bag on the spare seat at our table.
Mila.
‘I was meant to be meeting Mils for a drink.’
‘Same.’
Our phones buzz at the exact same time with a message from. . . you guessed it.
‘Hey boo, sorry I can’t make it tonight, gotta work late, have fun!’ I read aloud. I don’t mention the six winky faces she tagged on to the end of the message.
‘Mine says basically the same.’ Ben’s staring into his pint like he’d like to dive in there and never be seen again.
‘She’s done this on purpose!’
Bennods. CRINGE. I feel utterly swamped in awkwardness and I hate to be like this around my best friend. Mila’s obviously trying to get us to talk things through but I don’t know where to start.
There’s only one thing for it. ‘Another drink?’ I suggest.
Beer is not the drink for me. There’s so much of it, for a start, and I’ve developed the hiccups. Ben and I have managed an almost normal conversation for the past forty minutes but it’s patently obvious that we need to address the big fat elephant in the room. Our friendship is so important to me and I’m actually terrified that we might cock it up. I chance a glance at Ben and see that he’s looking right back at me, but he averts his gaze the minute our eyes meet.
Ben is so very handsome. Short blond hair, expressive blue eyes, just a hint of beard around his strong, square jaw. His skin always tans in the summer and he’s got this amazing, happy smile that is never far from his lips. I’ve always seen this, of course, but it’s never properly registered before because he was my friend, full stop. Only now that full stop feels more like a dot dot dot. I think back to my chat with Charlie and how he had ‘no regrets’ for getting together with a friend of his. I should definitely say something. But then Charlie also said how difficult it had been for their mutual friends when they split up. So, probably I should say nothing at all. But what about Harry saying he doesn’t believe in what-ifs. WHAT IF I regret this for the rest of my life? What if Ben is the one?
Right, that’s it, I have to say something.
I clear my throat. ‘We need to talk.’
He puffs out a load of air from his mouth. ‘Yes, we do.’
‘I. . .I don’t know where to start. I feel very confused about us.’ This is hell. I’ve started peeling the label off my bottle of beer.
‘Yes, it’s complicat— SHIT. I forgot.’ Ben’s staring at the door.
‘What?’
‘She’s here. . . Anita. I, uh,shit. I arranged to meet a date here tonight,’ he’s looking anywhere but me.
I turn to see a woman walking slowly towards us and my stomach drops.
