CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Afterwe have plonked ourselves down on the grass I pull bagels, a tub of mini chocolate nests and a bottle of lemonade out of my backpack.
‘You made my favourite pastrami bagels!’ cheers Mila. ‘What’s this in aid of?’
‘I wanted to treat you and this was as far as my budget could go.’ I hand her a napkin.
‘You’re adorable. You really didn’t have to.’
‘I really did. Mila, I owe you a huge apology. I’ve been so wrapped up in myself recently that I haven’t stopped to ask you how you are.’
‘That’s not true,’ she shakes her head. ‘You’re always asking.’
‘Not properly. You either give me a short answer or turn the tables back to me and I’ve just been letting it happen.’
She squeezes my hand. ‘Jas, you’ve got loads going on at the moment and part of that is because of me. I basically pushed you into following that Seven Dates article so I’ve been conscious that I need to check in with you ever since.’
‘You weren’t always this pushy,’ I smile.
‘I know. When we first met, you and Holly were so unbelievably tight, so confident and sure of yourselves. I’d listen to you talking about going to America for uni and feel like I had more belief in myself, just from absorbing your energy.’
I look at my flipflops, nestled in the grass. ‘It feels like you’re talking about a different person.’
‘With all the shit that went with Holly leaving, things obviously changed for you and I wanted to support you like you’d supported me at school. I’d never have had the confidenceto apply for law school or to go peroxide blonde if it hadn’t been for you. I wanted to do the same for you when you needed it most’
My throat feels tight. ‘It’s been years since I was that person, Mils. Now I look at you and I’m so incredibly proud. Kick-ass career, gorgeous boyfriend. . .’
‘Hair no longer a regrettable shade of yellow,’ she laughs.
I take a bite of bagel. ‘I got used to leaning on you too much. I guess that every time I look at you, I see all this wonderful stuff that I’d like for myself too. Only, I’ve forgotten to properly check in.Iseverything okay?’
Mila sighs. ‘You’ve been talking to your mum, huh? There’s nothing catastrophic going on, I just. . . Since me and Mike have moved in it’s like my future is already written. Marriage, maybe kids. Sometimes I panic that I’m too young to have life mapped out. I see your amazing adventures and I’d give anything to be in your shoes. I love hearing about your dating escapades and it makes me so blooming happy to know that my best friend is basking in some male attention. There’s nothing like the feeling of first getting to know someone, with the whole world your oyster. That potential is intoxicating and, I know it sounds awful, but sometimes I miss it. . .’
I watch as Mila fiddles with her napkin, silently kicking myself that I haven’t stopped to see things from her point of view.
‘That’swhy I love to hear your stories. I’m living vicariously through you. Babe, Mike’s idea of a date night is to grab a ready meal from the shit supermarket near the tube on his way home from work. I love him to the moon and back but dear god, things are different when you’re in a long-term relationship. Why can’t he take a two-minute detour to the nice supermarket? Why can’t he stack the dishwasher right? Why does he leave his towel on the floor when there’s a perfectly good towel rail IN THE BATHROOM?’
‘Mils,it’s totally understandable now that I think of it and I’ve been an idiot for not asking you sooner. You shouldn’t feel bad about feeling this way.’
‘Really? Because I even find myself getting stressed out about. . . the fridge. Do you know that Mike still hasn’t got to grips with my fridge system? Meats on the bottom shelf. Cheeses and dairy on the next. Fruits on the top. It’s just common sense! The other day I came home to find a pork chop on the top shelf and I lost my shit.’
‘Want me to have him killed for you?’ I look menacing. ‘Seriously though, I remember the first time you introduced me to Mike and I gave him such a grilling. He literally got gold stars. I have never seen a man more smitten with you, Mils. You’ve taken a huge step together and it is bound to feel strange for a while, but you will be okay. I’m just so sorry that I let you down. It makes me really sad to think that you had to talk to my mum about your problems because you couldn’t do that with me.’
‘Not couldn’t, just didn’t want to. You haven’t let me down Jas, I’ve just been trying to give you the space to do your thing for a bit.’
‘You’re being unbelievably sweet about this,’ I say. ‘But please know that from now on, Iwantto be involved. I’m not going to let you fob me off anymore and you’re ruddy well going to tell me what’s going on. Because that’s what friendship is about, right? I’m so grateful to you for encouraging me into this dating mission but I will not let that be to the detriment of our friendship, okay?’
She nods and pops a chocolate nest in her gob.
My IT guy is the best. I’d been in such a panic about everything that needs to get done before this trip that I’ve written a list, starting with something I’d already done, just so I could make myself feel better. It goes like this. . .
1. Starta to do list ??
2. Pack clothes
3. Get portfolio on tablet
4. Website up to date?
