“I wonder what could be taking him so long,” Ella said.
Connor, the guy Genie planned on losing her virginity with, emerged seconds later, proudly holding his specimen cup—it was filled with a gooey substance. Ella and I looked at each other. It took us a second to realize what was in the cup before we began laughing.
Connor, who seemed so proud of filling the cup, looked baffled. “I don’t get what’s so funny. You asked me to fill this cup, and I did.”
“You’re right, I’m so sorry. I’m acting extremely unprofessionally, and I apologize. We’re laughing because I needed your urine, not your sperm.”
“Well, why didn’t you say that in the first place?”
“My fault, I should have been clearer. Again, so sorry,” Ella said.
Connor walked outside to the water cooler.
“How often does a mix-up like that happen?” I had to tell Teddy about this. He’d find it hilarious.
Ella shrugged. “First time for everything. Come with me—I’ll operate on you.”
“Is my injury serious? Are you going to have to send me home?”
“Not to worry, I expect you to make it. The only thing that can save you from camp is the calendar, and you still have more than half the summer left.” Ella pointed to the bulletin board. There was a big red X for each day that had passed.
“Ow!”
“All kidding aside, look at this, it’s huge.”
It was the size and shape of a darning needle. My throat went dry, and the room started spinning . . .
I came to on the examination table. There was a cold compress on my head, and my feet were elevated on a pillow. Ella was standing over me with a cup in her hand.
“How’re you feeling? You fainted. Here, drink some water—you’re dehydrated. The heat and the humidity are hard on the campers but even harder on us adults. We’re so busy running around taking care of the kids, we don’t drink enough water.”
I tried sitting up and plopped back down.
“Here, let me help you. Hold onto my arm.”
Ella pulled me up with one hand and deftly placed a pillow behind me so I could rest against the wall. I drank the water and immediately began feeling better.
Ella gave me an ice pop, and I tore off the wrapper. “So, you have to faint to get one of these?”
“Or you can masturbate.” She smiled.
I nearly snorted the cherry ice through my nose.
“Come on, I had to give him one, I mean we were laughing at him.” She added, “We can’t let that piece of information leak—we wouldn’t be able to keep up with the demand.”
“I had a confrontation with Jack today,” I told Teddy that night.
“Lucky you, what happened?”
“It was choice period and he wanted to know why one of the Cubs, Jamie, wasn’t rollerblading. He said her mother was adamant about Jamie learning to skate, so she could work on her balance. Jamie had no interest in skating. She just wanted to sit at the potter’s wheel.”
“And?”
“Let me ask you this, if you wanted your child to skate, wouldn’t you send rollerblades with her?”
“Ideally.”
“I grabbed skates from the closet of a bunkmate. Jamie immediately fell on her butt and could barely make it from one side of the enclosure to the other. After about ten minutes, she asked if she could stop. I knew that Jack was listening, so I told Jamie, ‘There’s only ten more minutes left till lunch. Why don’t you try going back and forth a couple more times?’ She reluctantly rolled away by pulling herself along the gate. Then Jack said, ‘Good girl.’ I decided to give him an out, and I said, ‘Yes, Jamie is certainly trying as hard as she can.’ He doubles down with, ‘I wasn’t talking about Jamie. I said you’re a good girl.’”
