‘Yeah,’ she muttered. ‘OK.’
What else could she say? Her mouth felt numb.
It was only as she ended the call that Willow realized that he hadn’t once asked her how she was.
Or even sounded that interested that she was there.
She thought back to the way Lucas had held her only moments before and a deep ache opened inside her. It was a desire that had been missing for so long.
Did Jake even love her?
Did she love him?
What did she even want now?
Back at the cabin, Willow watched the video that Jake had sent while eating some noodle dish that Jenn had prepared earlier and left in the fridge for her. She wasn’t feeling that hungry, but Jenn had made it so Willow didn’t have to cook on her first night alone in the cabin.
So, to please her friend, Willow was doing her best to eat. She wasn’t sure why her appetite was so suppressed. Her stomach felt like a small, tight, heavy ball. Maybe it was seeing her grandma’s house again.
Or maybe it was this video? There was certainly something about it that made her uneasy.
Although she had already sent Jake a message telling him it was fine that wasn’t really what Willow thought. She figured it would be better to tell Jake what he wanted to hear. After all, knowing him, he would post it anyway. He very rarely took her advice, even when he asked for it. Willow sometimes wondered why he bothered to ask.
It wasn’t a bad video, not really. It just irritated her somehow. She pressed play again. And tried not to flinch as Jake’s handsome face burst into life on the screen. She could see why viewers engaged with him. He had such bright eyes, and a cheeky smile that seemed to encourage people to trust him, to listen to him. Grandma used to say that he could ‘steal candy from babies’ and they wouldn’t cry.
Willow had no idea if this was meant to be a good thing or not.
Jake’s deep, rich voice filled the room.
‘… so yeah, this was a particularly hard day, and I would be lying if I didn’t stop for a moment and wonder if I could even do this anymore. I’m so tired, you know? So goddamn tired – and I was tired before I started and then I rock up at the emergency site and it’s just chaos everywhere. Torn-up vehicles, bodies strewn – I won’t go into the details, but it was grim. I couldn’t walk away though. I had to take a breath and step in, even though every muscle in my body was fighting against it – because this is the thing they don’t tell you about being a first responder, or anyone that is plunged into crisis – you don’t always have your shit together. I’m human. I have my own struggles. I feel so worn out and broken – but I can’t show that, I just have to get my act together and get on with it. I slip my mask back on. I tell everyone (including myself) that I’m here and I’m ready. I have to save lives; that’s what I do.
‘So, please don’t call me a hero. I’m not. I’m just a guy, trying his best here and I’m struggling too – honestly, I am. I’m struggling, but I will keep going. You guys make it better. Your messages, your love. It makes everything better. So, thank you – thank you so much. You are the heroes. Not me …’
‘Yep, that’s my man,’ Willow muttered stiffly, forcing a grin. Watching it again had only increased her uneasy feeling, but now she was also feeling sick.
Willow put her phone aside. Although she missed Jake, she also felt a sense of relief that she wasn’t there right now. He had now posted the video and already his likeswere through the roof. People loved this raw, vulnerable side of him.
The problem was, Willow knew him better than anyone and she knew when he was putting on an act for the camera. Maybe she should have told him that the wink at the end was a bit too much.
Jake wasn’t being vulnerable. He was being what he needed to be successful. He was acting in order to gain more likes and follows. He was lying.
And in his annoying way, he was winning at it.
The problem was, Jake had been putting on an act for far too long.
Chapter 12
Lucas
Lucas woke up after another poor night’s sleep. It had been getting worse and nothing seemed to help. Sometimes, he simply couldn’t sleep at all and spent the night staring into darkness, willing his body to give in. Other times, he was simply plagued by dark and twisted dreams that left him waking up in knotted, sweaty bedsheets, too fearful to close his eyes again.
Last night was the latter.
Lucas couldn’t always remember the dreams that haunted him, only that his mom had featured in some way. She often did. Perhaps it wasn’t bad that he was dreaming about her, but the painful gut realization that she wasn’t still there when he woke up was a killer blow. However, today, he remembered everything. He dreamed that his mom was walking alongside the road that led out of Honey Springs. She was smiling and waving at him.
She couldn’t see the car coming up behind her.
Lucas could and he had time to run towards her, to push her out of the way – but his legs wouldn’t move; it was like they were cemented in place. He was completely stuck and motionless, forced to watch as the scene unfurled in front of him.
