I drop my bag and rush to her, steadying her shaking body with my hands on her biceps as she struggles to breathe.
“Did he tell you to stay away?” She peers up at me, her sad eyes heavy with everything she already knows. I can’t lie to her. Even if I can’t bring myself to sayyes,she sees it on my face.
“Why?” She clutches at the center of her polo shirt, her eyes welling with more tears.
“Because he loves you, and he was still hurting,” I say, pulling her into my arms. She balls my shirt in her fists as she flattens her cheek against my collarbone.
“I waited for you. I sat in that stupid parking lot, at stupid Pete’s Fish and Chips, getting refill after refill while people weknew came and went. I said I was waiting for you, waiting to celebrate with my friend.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say. They’re the words I should have said then but didn’t. The words I decided weren’t good enough. BecauseIwasn’t good enough.
“You shouldn’t have listened to him, Jayden. Why did you listen to him?” Her voice is faint, and I think it’s because she knows why.
As much as he was her father, he was also mine. And he asked out of love. Because he loves her more than anything in the world. And because she was all he had left.
“I’m here now, though. We’re both here now.” I pull back, leaving enough room for her chin to lift and her gaze to reach mine.
She quickly deflates, but she stays in my embrace.
“We can’t, Jayden. I’ll lose my job.”
I shake my head.
“I don’t think you will. Couples work together in lots of places, and it’s not like you have any power to?—”
“Tell Coach you’re ready for Texas? To sign off on you being fit to swing? To influence your spot in the lineup.”
Fuck. She’s right.
“So we’ll be careful.” I move my hand to her face, and the way she leans into my palm fills me with promise.
“No,” she says, but her tone sounds less certain.
“Not everyone here believes in me, Jayden. You don’t understand what it’s like. You couldn’t. There are people looking for me to fuck up, who are waiting to call me out and embarrass me. I have to be perfect.” Her eyelashes flit until her gaze rests back on mine.
“Nobody will ever have to know. And then one day, when we’re with different teams?—”
She breathes out a sharp laugh.
“What?” I ask.
She steps away from my touch, and the sudden emptiness feels so wrong I almost rush to grab hold of her again.
“Think about that for a second. We can be together . . . when we’re apart? That’s ridiculous, Jay. That’s not a healthy way to start anything.”
“Okay, but it’s better than not knowing,” I plead.
She chews at the inside of her cheek as her eyes dim and her hands wring with nerves.
“Than not knowing?” she asks.
“How you feel.”
Her breath hitches as her eyes widen, her gaze locked on mine as the teeming energy that was vibrating her body suddenly halts.
“Colby, I don’t think I can handle going one more day . . . without knowing how you feel,” I say, taking slow steps back to her.
Her throat moves with a hard swallow and my eyes dart to her neck, to the spot where my lips were a day before.
