I’m smiling, musing to myself, as I step around the corner of the locker room and smack chest-first into Coach Kessler.
“Oh, shit. Sorry, Coach,” I say, bouncing off of him like a little kid high on sugar.
“Actually . . . do you have a quick second, Jayden? Before we get on the bus.” He steps to the side, to an empty row of lockers, and leans against one. I mirror his poster, resting my gear bag on the bench.
“What’s up?” I ask. The dent between his brows sets off a round of inner-worries, and I wonder if I somehow blew a test in school and wasn’t eligible for the game, or maybe they got the score wrong, and we didn’t actually win. But I quickly shake those thoughts off as absurd.
“I have a request of you. And I’m hoping that, man to man, you will respect my wishes on this. I’m a father first, you know. And what I’m about to say, Jay . . . it has nothing to do with how I feel about you.”
My body starts to tremble with a low, sullen buzz, like a warning system gone awry. I ball my hand into a fist at my side, digging my nails into my palm, bracing myself for his request.
“Okay,” I agree, cautiously.
He nods, his gaze still on the floor as he chews at the inside of his cheek.
“You and Colby . . .”
Fuck. He saw.
My eyes flutter closed as I drop my chin.
“I know you’re young, and maybe it’s nothing. But Colby and I—we’re all each other has. And she’s lost a lot. She lost her mother. And you . . . you lost your dad.”
What he means is my dad killed her mom, driving home drunk from a bender at the bar. Because he was a fucking loser with no self-control.
“Adriel has struggled, and I know you’ve been able to keep your focus. Your grades are some of the highest on the team. You’re a leader out here. But what you’ve been through, Jayden. It has to weigh on you. The way it weighs on your brother. It might all hit you someday, when you least expect it. And I just can’t have Colby involved. With . . . with you. Not because I don’t love you, son, but?—”
“Because you think I’m going to turn out like Adriel?” My tone is defensive, which I’m sure makes me sound angry, readyto fight. Fuck, maybe I am. My eyes burn with the want to cry. Rick Kessler is like a dad to me. And he doesn’t think I’m good enough for his daughter. This hurts. It fucking hurts.
“That’s not what I’m saying, Jayden,” he says, stopping his words there because itiswhat he’s saying.
“Colby is the most important person in my life,” I say, my voice a low whisper. “I would never . . .” I swallow hard, a tear slipping free. I erase it with the side of my fist, then fold my arms tightly across my chest.
“I know you wouldn’t. Not on purpose. You have always been good. Your heart is good. But Colby has an incredible future. She’s going to Ole Miss. She wants to coach after college. And as her father, I want to protect those things for her. Her goals are precious to me. Her future is precious. Please try to see it from my perspective. I just want to make sure she never feels a moment lower than she already has. I just want her to?—”
“I understand,” I cut in.
I do. I want those things for her, too. Maybe he’s right, though. I might have my shit together for now, but when I get to college, play road games around the country, start looking at the draft . . . who knows how I will handle that pressure. What if some of the flaws that plague my brother are genetic? Maybe I can’t will myself to always be good. Maybe there’s a wild, raging narcissist buried under my wounds.
I’m clearly angry.
I suck my mouth into a tight line and nod. If I utter another word, I’ll regret it.
“I’m still here for you. We’ll work hard over the summer. Send you to Louisiana ready to destroy. How does that sound?”
I nod, or maybe I’m still nodding. I meet his eyes briefly, and notice his outstretched hand. I take it because I’m destroyed. I shake it because I’m a chicken shit. I believe him because the evidence is pretty damning. My brother has already wrecked afucking luxury car. Texas is talking about trading him. He’s just too damn good at the game.
But I’m going to be better. I’m going to be so good that no matter what bad decisions I make along the way, the world—Coach Rick Kessler—won’t be able to fault me. Because I’ll have been the best. And Colby will remember our kiss. She’ll remember how hard I worked. She’ll fall in love with my work ethic, and one day, she’ll understand why I had to walk away from us. For now.
Not forever.
THIRTEEN
JAYDEN
Present day
“Again.”
