My fingers twitch. “…Jethro?” I whisper, but nothing. The drug is still in me. I know because the tiles keep breathing… in and out. The grout lines stretch and twist much like how my body feels. The drain whispers as the shower curtain sways even though no one touched it. Then I see him.Vinny.Standing behind the steam. Not reflected but not fully here. Just a dark shape with short black hair and eyes that don’t blink.
“Ghostboy?” I ask, but he doesn’t answer, just stands there and watches. Water trails down my back, making my skin prickle from the weight of his gaze. “You left,” I whisper, and his head tilts, shaking. Then he takes a step forward and I take him in. His chest is littered with tattoos that I didn’t notice before, and I lick my lips. My eyes drift down and widen when I see his hard cock looking up at me. “Happy to see me?” I ask, and he nods. Still not saying a word.
He steps into my space ,and my back hits the cold tile, causing my breathing to hitch. His fingers caress my naked cheek then drag down my jaw to my chest. He cups my breasts with both hands then leans down and takes a nipple into his mouth. I moan as he sucks my hardened peaks, switching as his thumb flicks the other one. I dig my nails into his scalp then he releases my nipple with a pop. He towers above me as his hand finds my thigh and lifts it around his waist. I reach for his face and bring it down to me, then press my lips against his, sucking his bottom lip, feeling his cock poking at my entrance. He pulls away and looks into my eyes, and with one sharp snap, he slams inside me, making my head bounce off the tile.
“Time is up! Water is shutting off in one minute,” the orderly says, and I blink. He’s gone. Tears well in my eyes because he felt so fucking real. I felt him. I touched his warm body.What the fuck?
“I’m trying!” I answer as the water runs cold. I close my eyes, and for one second, I pretend Vinny is here—inside me, but addthe rest of them too. Jagger’s hands. Killian's voice, and Lucifer’s smile. All of them close enough to make this place feel less empty.
Suddenly, the water shuts off and the world goes cold without ever having been warm. They rip the curtain open and throw a thin towel at me. I take it and wrap it around my body. One orderly pulls me out and I stumble a bit then grab onto the edge of the sink. The other comes behind me and runs his hands up my outer thigh, grabbing a handful of my ass. He groans, and I gag. Then, I’m spun around as the other takes the man's place. He looks me up and down, then rips the towel from my body, causing my tits to shake. They both stare at me like I’m something to eat, and all I want to do is crawl down the drain into the depths of darkness. This is the part I hate. Them dressing me. Hands glide all over my skin, making me shiver in disgust. Touching. Pulling. Sinking. They use my body for their own pleasure, and I don’t protest. What’s the use? I have no fight left in me… too exhausted to care anymore.
“Stay still.”
“Arms up.”
“Stop making it difficult.”
I just stare at the wall, letting it glare back at me with disgust. Jethro is still quiet. Too fucking quiet.
“Are you mad at me?” I whisper as one orderly glances over at me.
“What?” he asks, and I smile.
“Not you,” I say, and his face tightens.
They finally finish and take me back to my room. Not the cafeteria. Not to therapy, and not to Master D. Which means no one is coming.
They drag me inside, and I see the straps are already on the bed, making my stomach drop. “No!” I protest, but the orderlygrabs my arm, pulling me anyway. I jerk, ripping out of his grip. “I said no!”
“Don’t start, Logan!” he growls, and I shake my head as the other orderly moves behind me. My mother’s voice slithers up from somewhere rotten and I want to vomit.
“Hold still, Logan,”she whispers as tears well in my eyes.
“No!” I shout and swing wildly.I don’t want to be held down. I don’t want to be restrained.I did everything that was asked of me. I wasn’t a failure. “Get off of me!” I scream, but the drug makes my limbs slow, my knees loose, and my thoughts thick and sticky. They throw me onto the bed and grab my wrists first. I thrash, fighting them off, but it’s no use. My ankles are grabbed then the chest strap wraps over me, suffocating my lungs. Once secured, I let the tears fall down the sides of my face. I’m not a girl anymore. Logan is dead, and Lolli poured down the drain. I’m just a thing—a specimen, a mistake with a pulse.
The buckle snaps into place, and my breath comes too fast. “Please,’ I whisper, begging them to let me go, but they leave, shutting the door behind them and locking it. Now I’m alone.No Jethro. No chaos. No one.
I stare at the twelve, no thirteen cracks on the ceiling. They move, then I blink hard, but they don’t stop. One of them opens like a mouth, making me laugh. “Jethro?” I giggle, but nothing. My fingers curl against the restraints. “Jethro, I’m scared. Where are you?” I whisper, then there it is. A breath inside my skull—a flicker of red.
“I know,”he whispers back as relief hits so hard my eyes burn.
“You left.”
“No.”
“You did.”
“You went somewhere I couldn’t follow,”he says, and my throat tightens.
“Where?” I ask, but he doesn’t answer. The room fades at the edges as the corners stretch. The walls turn brown and yellow.Trailer walls. Peeling wallpaper.Home. The smell hits me next.Stale smoke. Cheap liquor. Burnt sugar.My whole body locks. “No!” I yell, and suddenly, the bed is gone, but I still can’t move. I’m small again. Eight or nine years old with dirt under my nails and hunger in my stomach. Dread crawls up my spine, because the sun went down, and I went home late. My mother stands in the kitchen as a few men sit on the couch, smoking and drinking. Her hair is cut nicely and her face is wearing makeup.
“Hey there, Logan. Come here and meet my friends,”she says, her smile soft and her voice sweet. I whimper.I hate that sound. I hate that it comes from me.She laughs at my fear, which only makes me tremble harder.
“I’m sorry I’m late. I didn’t mean it,” I say, and she laughs again.
“Baby, it’s okay,”she says, stepping closer. The floor bends under her feet and her eyes turn dark. I look around the room and the men are now naked. Holding their cocks, licking their lips. I shiver. I don’t want to be touched today.Please. Don’t let them touch me.
“You were born wrong, Logan. Now, be a good girl and play with us,”she sings, and my chest shakes.
