Had this been the cage that Chamuel had lived in for billions of years? Was Hemah that much of a monster? My guess was yes. As much as I wanted Chamuel dead for what It had done to Shitty Ritchie, Jennifer and Alana Catherine, a small part of myheart ached that this had been the life of the Higher Power, once known as compassion, had lived.
“No,” Tim cried out as he ran into the cage and dropped to his knees.
Jennifer lay on the stone floor in a pool of her own blood. Her body was full of lash marks and her skin was red and raw. My dear friend’s eyes were closed and her breathing was shallow. However, she was alive. I scanned the room for Alana Catherine—every crack and crevice. She wasn’t here.
“Out of my way,” Candy Vargo grunted as she pushed Tim aside and placed her hands over Jennifer’s heart. “Gideon, stand guard. Kill anything that fuckin’ comes in here. Tim, whisper in her ear. Beg her to stay and tell her how much you love her. Daisy, take her hands and push as much healing power into her as you can.”
Everyone moved at once and got into position.
“What about Shitty Ritchie?” the tiny man asked. “How can Shitty Ritchie help?”
“Get ready to eat Cheese Dick if the bastard shows Its ugly fuckin’ mug,” she ordered. “It won’t kill the shitass, but it will slow It down. Jennifer ain’t in no position to end her counterpart.”
“Yes, my captain,” Shitty Ritchie said, gnashing his teeth. “Shitty Ritchie is prepared to eat Cheese Dick. Because I AM THE MAN!”
“Whatever you say,” Candy muttered as she began to wiggle her fingers over Jennifer. It looked she was conducting an orchestra. The movement was riveting and beautiful.
Shimmering orange glitter fell from her moving finger tips. The magic formed iridescent peach-colored bubbles in the air. They danced slowly around Jennifer and quickly picked up speed. As Candy began to chant the motion of the bubbles grew dizzying. It made me nauseous, but I refused to look away. Iheld onto Jennifer’s limp hands and let my healing magic flow into her.
Tim’s soft words of love and adoration for his daughter fell from his lips and echoed in the cavernous room. His tears joined his words as he told Jennifer in as many ways as he could think of how much he loved her and needed her to come back to him.
My own tears blurred my eyes. Many were for Jennifer, but many were for my daughter. Fear for her life had settled in my gut and wouldn’t leave until she was in my arms. There was so much sadness everywhere. Why in the world were people so awful? It was much easier to be kind. I would never understand this kind of debased behavior.
“Holy heck,” Jennifer said weakly as she opened her eyes and saw all the concerned faces peering at her. “Feel like I did after my second face lift—like a darn Mac truck hit me.”
“Oh Jennifer,” Tim said with his tears flowing freely. “You’re back.”
“Where’d I go?” she asked, confused. Her eyes were glassy and her words came out a bit slurred.
“Sit her up,” Candy Vargo instructed. “Let her look around. It’s gonna jog her memory.”
Tim and I gently moved Jennifer to a sitting position. She was like a rag doll—didn’t have much control of her body.
“Should I continue to send healing power into her?” I asked Candy Vargo.
She shook her head. “No. Jennifer needs some magic from the tiny shite hole now.”
“Shitty Ritchie is the tiny shite hole!” he screamed with delight. “I shall help my beautiful friend.” He marched over to Jennifer and sat in her lap. He cuddled close. “If Cheese Dick shows up, please let me know so I can eat the loser.”
“Will do,” Candy Vargo said, shaking her head.
“Jennifer,” the little guy said. “It is I, Shitty Ritchie. I love you and have so much to share. For a brief moment in time, I had a big dong. You would have been so proud. I am sad I didn’t photograph my impressive love rod. I could have used the photo as my social media profile picture. I’m quite sure it would have gotten me into someone’s love cavity.”
“Umm… is this actually helping her?” I asked, horrified at the subject Shitty Ritchie had chosen to pontificate on.
Tim and Gideon looked as appalled as I felt.
“Just wait,” Candy said with a chuckle. “Magic works in mysterious ways.”
“Oh!” he went on to a confused Jennifer. “Goober is in my intestines… or possibly my bowels. We paid him a visit and he was a wank—not the good kind like the one that used to be in my pants—the bad kind. I won’t let him slide out of my bunghole unless Daisy says to, but not to worry. I can eat him again!”
Shitty Ritchie looked up at Jennifer. She wasn’t responding like he’d hoped. His little brow wrinkled in thought, then he squealed.
“Gather around Shitty Ritchie,” he commanded.
We did. We waited. No one was sure what was coming next. The little guy was all kinds of crazy.
Shitty Ritchie grinned so wide that all of his sharp teeth were on display. It wasn’t his best look. “Did you know,” he began, “that lemons are the most contaminated food item in restaurants? They have the highest fecal content. AND just in case someone doesn’t know what fecal means… it’s POO!”
