“Chamuel and Uriel,” Tim said, looking at his notes.
“The other two Higher Powers that Goober caged,” I confirmed.
Candy chuckled. “Gotta love that Shitty Ritchie named It Goober.”
“Thank you!” the little guy said with a shrill giggle. He was used to Candy handing him his ass for bad behavior. Getting a compliment from the Keeper of Fate was a biggie for him.
“Welcome,” Candy replied, then paused and scratched her head. “Somethin’ ain’t right, though. The Higher Power can’t be caged.”
“Yep,” I agreed. “When I reminded Goober about that, It said, ‘not by one, only by two.’”
“The fuck does that mean?” she grunted.
Gideon spoke up. “If we’re going for a literal translation, it could mean that Goober, which is wildly enjoyable to say, used the other two to trap each other at the same time. Meaning, both Chamuel and Uriel thought they were trapping the other to rule with Goober.”
“And Goober fucked both of ‘em over. Nuts,” Candy commented. “But wearetalkin’ about egomaniacal asswipes.”
Tim was still clarifying facts. “So, Chamuel is the one who took our gals and almost decapitated Shitty Ritchie?”
“Correct,” I said. “I’m unsure if we should go after Chamuel or find Uriel to go after Chamuel.”
“Pretty safe to guess there ain’t no love lost between Chamuel and Uriel,” Candy said. “Especially if Gideon’s hypothesis is right.”
“Goober is an asshole,” Shitty Ritchie announced the obvious. “Cheese Dick is an asshole and Shitty Ritchie can safely deduce that Uranus is an asshole.”
Correcting his pronunciation would be useless. So, I didn’t. I laughed. It was impossible not to. The sound that left my lips kind of verged on hysterical laughter, but it was cathartic.
“This is interesting,” Tim said, paging through his notes at a quick clip. “Chamuel is widely considered to be the Angel of Compassion. Chamuel was committed to fostering love, empathy and emotional healing.”
“Coulda fooled me,” Shitty Ritchie mumbled. “Jackass tried to rip Shitty Ritchie’s head off.”
Candy Vargo walked over to the motorcycles and straddled one. “Them Higher Power fuckers were here long before any Angels,” she said, playing with the gears. “But, and it’s a big one, there’s a chance that Cheese Dick’s real name is Chamuel and then an Angel took it on later.”
“Because of what the name means?” Gideon asked.
“Possibly,” Candy answered. “I don’t think we’re dealin’ with Angels at all. I also don’t think Chamuel is compassionate, but who fuckin’ knows what Cheese Dick was like before the thing was caged for billions of years.”
“I agree that we’re not dealing with run of the mill Angels,” Gideon said. “However, we seem to be circling back to the puzzle pieces that were confounding us earlier.” He turned to Tim. “Tell me the meaning of the name Uriel.”
Tim smiled and nodded with approval. “My goodness, I have such smart friends! Uriel is known as the Angel of wisdom and enlightenment.”
“Logic,” I said. “Chamuel is compassion. Uriel is logic which means that Goober is vengeance.”
Shitty Ritchie raised his hand and bounced up and down. It reminded me of the moment right before he’d made the dong deal. If he ran in circles, I’d have to drop kick him.
“You got somethin’ to say that don’t have nothin’ to do with a wank?” Candy Vargo asked, squinting at him.
“Yes!”
“Then say it,” Tim told him with a smile. “You’re an important part of our friend group.”
“I am?” Shitty Ritchie asked, shocked.
“You are, friend,” Tim assured him. “The floor, or rather the grass, is yours.”
Shitty Ritchie preened with the praise. He did a few jazz squares then plopped himself down on a clump of pink and purple wild flowers. His goofy expression grew serious and it felt like I was looking at a different version of the little turd than I’d ever seen.
“Fonzie Three said vengeance, compassion and logic are balance. He said we don’t have it. We’ve never had it. It stands to reason since Goober stole the birthrights of the other two Higher Powers. If you follow that line of thinking, it would make sense why the Universe blessed Alana Catherine, Jennifer and Shitty Ritchie with the gifts to take their place.”
