I nodded. “Chances are, yes. However, let me do the talking.”
“Roger that!” he said. “Shitty Ritchie will add only necessary commentary.”
That didn’t sound terrific, but I would stop him when and if I had to.
Gideon cleared his throat. “I’m still not convinced that talking with Tom Hanks is safe for you, Daisy.”
“I’ve considered that,” I told him.
“And?” he pressed, trying to stay calm and not doing the best job of it.
“If the former Higher Power is truly inside Shitty Ritchie, what do you think It will want more than anything?” I asked.
Candy Vargo grinned. “To be pooped out of Shitty Ritchie’s bunghole.”
“Correct,” I said, disturbed by the visual, but knowing there weren’t a lot of other ways to describe it. “That’s my bargaining chip to get out if I need it.”
“You would let him out?” Tim asked, concerned.
“Most likely, no,” I admitted. “And definitely not after our first chat. Fake Tom Hanks is going to have to supply a hell of a lot of usable information before we’d ever consider letting him out.”
“Me likey,” Candy said, chewing on a toothpick. “Oh, and just so y’all fuckers know, after I expelled the Angels out of my butt, they were weak for about a century. I don’t think Tom Hanks has the power to trap anyone inside Shitty Ritchie’s intestines. Getting eaten really messes with a person.”
“Oh my god,” I said with a wince. “I’m not travelling to Shitty Ritchie’s intestines. I’m diving into his mind.”
“My bad,” Candy said with a chuckle. “But same dif.”
Gideon shot Candy a look that would have made most people run for their lives. Candy Vargo wasn’t most people. “That might have been helpful to know a whole hell of a lot earlier than right now.”
The Keeper of Fate gave the Grim Reaper a middle finger salute. “Just remembered it now, jackass. Pull your panties out of your crack. Daisy can go in and Daisy will be able to come out. However, I’d sure as fuck use the offer of letting Tom Hanks slide out of the bum hole as a bargainin’ tool.”
I was somewhat speechless after listening to and participation in the present discussion. A good portion of it had left nasty visuals in my mind that were probably permanent. Whatever. The goal was getting Alana Catherine and Jennifer back. How we did it wasn’t as important as doing it. Period. Gideon was correct that it would have been good to know that the Angels had lost power after being ingested, but I knew it now. Knowledge was power, or in Fake Tom Hanks’ case, the lack of.
“Shitty Ritchie,” I said, holding out my arms. “Come here. I’m going to hug you and dive into your mind.”
“Will it hurt?” he asked, approaching me.
“It won’t hurt you,” I told him.
He frowned. “But it will hurt you?”
I nodded. “I’m used to it. It’s okay.”
“Can Shitty Ritchie do anything to stop it from hurting you? I would be proud to do that, Daisy! It would help make up for the fact that I pooed a mountain and almost destroyed your kitchen potty. Plus, I love you like a mommy,” he told me.
I smiled at the little maniac who was millions of years older than me. He was sincere and insane, and I was moved—a little grossed out, but definitely moved. His new arm and leg were almost back to the correct proportions for his body. Magic was mind-boggling. It was also mind-boggling how far the tiny guy had come from the bat-shit, out-of-control terror he’d been when we’d met him not too long ago. He might be as old as time, but he had the temperament of a toddler.
“That’s a lovely offer, my friend,” I told him. “But let’s not try anything new on this one. I’m going to stick with what’s worked in the past.”
“As you wish,” he replied and wrapped his little arms around my waist. “I’m ready.”
And so was I. “I’ll be back in five minutes,” I announced aloud and then hugged Shitty Ritchie close.
It was time to move the mission forward.
The cold.The cold went all the way to my bones and tore through my body like sharp, frozen daggers made of ice. Trying to catch my breath, I gasped for air. In the past I’d screamed. It hadn’t helped. I knew the drill and did my best to stay loose and go with it.
My head pounded violently, and every single cell in my body screamed for oxygen. I knew exactly what was happening and I knew it would end. It was the same each and every time.
