Candy Vargo leveled me with a hard stare for a beat then tossed Tim a different dagger. “Tim, give me an arm. Gideon cut off your leg.”
“Holy shit,” I muttered, feeling faint.
Candy Vargo could perform miracles. I’d seen her do it. It was nightmare inducing, and if she was about to do what I thought she was going to do, this would top everything I’d seen her do to date.
“I’m gonna Frankenstein this fucker back together,” she grunted. “Daisy, you’re gonna put the leg and arm in the right places after Gideon and Tim hand ‘em over.”
I just nodded. If I spoke, I’d puke.
“Cut ‘em off, fuckers,” she commanded. “I’m about to leave my body for a hot sec and won’t be able to boss you jackasses around.”
Tim didn’t miss a beat. He quickly removed his leather jacket and shirt. I watched in horror as he jammed the dagger into his shoulder and sliced. He meticulously removed his arm at the shoulder. I thought there was blood before…
Gideon wasn’t as delicate at Tim. After taking off his leather pants, he stabbed himself multiple times at his hip then literally yanked his leg off his body. The sound was grotesque and something I wouldn’t forget for a long time. I knew their appendages would grow back. They were Immortal. I’d lost limbs in battle and they’d come back quickly. However, I’d never ripped my own leg or arm off. I wasn’t sure I could.
The Fonzies were definitely not expecting this. The three of them turned a shade of green that looked like special effects in the movies. Hell, they looked like Shrek in leather.
“NOW,” Candy shouted as her eyes rolled back into her head and bright orange glitter burst in funnels all over the place.
Tim shoved his arm into my hands. Gideon handed me his leg. I turned off the part of my brain that was grossed out by what I was witnessing and did as I’d been told. Putting the leg and arm into position on Shitty Ritchie, I pressed them against the bleeding holes where his appendages used to be.
If this worked, I’d be traumatized. I was already traumatized, but I loved Shitty Ritchie more than I was repulsed by what was happening.
Candy Vargo began to chant. It was eerie and melodic. Strangely, the Fonzies joined her. I curtly nodded my thanks and received three thumbs up in reply. The wind picked up and the wild flowers danced like their sweetly scented lives depended on it. Gideon squatted behind Candy on his one good leg and made sure she didn’t fall. With his remaining arm, Tim helped me hold the body parts that we were attaching to Shitty Ritchie. The little guy was going to look freaking crazy when Candy was done.
As Candy chanted, her magic grew stronger and brighter. I was pretty sure I saw the Fonzies’ doing the Twist in my peripheral vision. There was no time to confirm it. My attention was on my task. The need to close my eyes against the glare of the Keeper of Fate’s magic was intense. I didn’t. It felt as if I was staring into the sun. Too bad, so sad. There was no way I was going to fail at my job. It would be horrific if an arm ended up where and leg should be or vice versa.
We watched in awe as Shitty Ritchie’s neck began to slowly knit back together. Candy’s chant grew louder and more dissonant. The Fonzies’ sang counterpoint. I could feel thewords and melody vibrate through my body. The limbs in my hands began to affix to the tiny man. It was shocking and amazing. Where the top of Gideon’s leg had been muscular and wide, it now was the perfect size for Shitty Ritchie’s body. Of course, the rest of the leg was all Gideon and didn’t match at all, but the magic was working.
Tim’s arm was the same story. Where it had been wide at the shoulder, it had withered into something that could secure itself to the tiny Immortal. Shitty Ritchie had always kind of looked like he could have worked in a circus freak show, but now… he was at a whole other freaky level.
Candy’s body began to convulse. Gideon was right there and wrapped his arms around her. I spared a quick glance and was shocked that his leg had already grown back. The Grim Reaper’s regenerative power was strong. As was Tim’s. He had both of his arms now and was fixated on holding the donated appendages in place. Shitty Ritchie still looked dead, but I was sure his face wasn’t as ashen as it was only minutes ago. Maybe, it was wishful thinking. I chose to believe it was real. It had to be.
As Candy Vargo continued to tremble violently, the Fonzies began to do the Hand Jive. In unison they did the Stroll over to the Keeper of Fate and surrounded her. The moves morphed into a frantic Jitterbug. Small pops of glistening white magic formed bubbles in the air as the bad boys with hearts of gold continued to dance. It was somewhat alarming, but at the same time lovely. Candy’s spasms slowed as the bikers danced.
“Keep going boys,” Tim insisted. “You’re helping our friend. Thank you.”
The Fonzies didn’t have to be asked twice. The Jitterbug was followed by the Boogie Woogie and then something that looked like moves Elvis would perform if he’d inhaled a massive vat of coffee and had to pee badly. It was batshit, but it was working.
Candy opened her eyes, took in the Fonzies dancing, and weakly laughed. She held up a hand to let them know the dance party was over and gave them a nod of thanks. “You fuckers are good. I should bring you along next time I do some messed up juju.”
“Aaaaaay!” the yelled as they walked back over to their motorcycles and mounted them.
No one would ever believe this. I wasn’t sure I did.
“Is the miniature maniac alive?” Candy Vargo whispered, using Gideon’s arms to balance her still shaky body.
Tim leaned forward and rested his head on Shitty Ritchie’s chest. We held our breath and waited.
“He’s breathing,” he confirmed. “It’s shallow—not regular, but he’s breathing.”
My tears formed again, blurring the scene around me. We’d succeeded. Shitty Ritchie looked as weird AF, but it didn’t matter. Candy had said the arm and leg would eventually match his little frame, but even if they didn’t, we help Shitty Ritchie make it work.
My attention had been so focused on the tiny dummy, I hadn’t noticed that a crowd had formed around us. When I looked up, I gasped. I wasn’t sure if my tears were still making the world blurry, or if what I was seeing was correct.
It was correct.
Surrounding us were Sully, Mike Wazowski, the seven dwarfs and Al Delvecchios. But… there were three of each of them.
