“I say we call it a day,” Heather said, looking up at the darkening sky. “We could have a movie night and order in some pizza.”
“Sounds like a plan,” June agreed. “I’ll make some cookies!”
Now, that sounded like an excellent plan to me.
As we made our way back to the house, Gideon’s phone buzzed loudly. It was the Demons on the perimeter. My mouth went dry. He took the call, listened to what they had to say, then visibly relaxed. “Let him through.”
“Who?” I asked.
“Dip Doody. He’s here to see Jennifer,” he replied.
“Oh my goodness!” Jennifer squealed. “I miss that man.”
I glanced around wildly at all the people. “How the heck are we going to explain the rather large group of people here?”
“Jennifer could say she joined a cult,” Candy Vargo suggested.
“Umm, no,” I snapped. “Guys and gals move it. Most of you can watch TV in the master suite upstairs. A few of us can hang with Jennifer and Dip. Am I clear?”
“You are,” Charlie said. “And I agree. Let’s go people. Now!”
We ran like the wind and made it back to the house in plenty of time to make a plan. Gideon, Tim, June, Charlie and I would greet Dip along with Jennifer. Shitty Ritchie practically threw a fit over being excluded. However, explaining an eight-inch-high dude with razor-sharp teeth and a penchant for mentioning his pecker in public wasn’t happening. He only calmed down after Alana Catherine threatened a year-long timeout if he didn’t march his butt upstairs. She was serious. Shockingly, he obeyed.
“We ready?” Jennifer asked, checking herself in the foyer mirror and putting on a little lipstick.
“We are,” I replied.
I just hoped the zombies didn’t make an appearance. It was risky letting Dip Doody anywhere near our general vicinity, but it would cause more problems if we didn’t. The man was the sheriff. Jennifer was his girlfriend, and I didn’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t call in the troops if he suspected any foul play where she was concerned.
“Good luck, fuckers,” Candy called out from the top of the stairs. “You’re gonna need it!”
I hoped she was wrong. I’d had enough crazy for one day.
CHAPTER NINE
Most of thecrew was out of sight. I’d dropped a sound ward so no voices from upstairs would travel down while Dip Doody was here. Shitty Ritchie was loud. Tim did a quick spell so that June looked her real age. It would hold for a few hours. I realized as I fluffed up the pillows and Gideon stoked the fire that I was losing my human side. Being Immortal, warts and all, was becoming normal. That was good since I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, but dipping in and out of the human world was getting tougher.
Too bad, so sad. Dip was human and Jennifer loved him. We would and could make the effort.
Jennifer was so delighted to see her man that she kissed him for five full minutes. We made ourselves scarce and let her have her little make-out session in semi-privacy. I was glad Candy Vargo was upstairs. She would have definitely suggested they get a room. My dogs went nuts. Donna and Karen loved Sheriff Dip Doody almost as much as Jennifer did. Dogs were excellent judges of character. I’d always liked Dip, but my dogs’ seal of approval put him high on the food chain of good people.
Tim had whipped up some hors d’oeuvres. It was something wet and brownish on crackers. He’d plopped a few strawberrieson the platter for color. It didn’t help. Dip, ever polite, had tried one then spit it out discretely into a napkin that Jennifer handed him. Thankfully, Tim didn’t notice. No one else partook. It looked too much like poop on a Ritz.
The conversation thus far had covered the weather, the remodeling of the Piggly Wiggly which made it almost impossible to find laundry detergent and milk, and the hilarious news that a group of octogenarians in town had applied for a permit to open an escort service.
“An escort service?” Charlie asked, thinking he’d heard Dip incorrectly. “You’re pulling my leg.”
“No siree. No leg pullin’ from me,” Dip said with a shake of his head as he leaned back on the couch and put his arm around Jennifer. “When I explained to Ethel Smith-Waterswund that an escort service is a business that supplies people for hire to accompany others to events and it usually includes sexual activities, she screamed.”
“Oh my!” June said, giggling.
“Oh my, is right,” Dip agreed with a chuckle. “Old Ethel told me they thought an escort service was a bunch of teenagers who would help the elderly with yard work and escort them to the Piggly Wiggly and church. She didn’t believe me until I pulled up a couple of websites on the computer and proved it to her. Lemme tell you, her second scream about broke my ear drum.”
Jennifer threw her head back and cackled. “Well, I’ll be darned! Did she pop a hemorrhoid?”
Dip’s eyes grew wide. “How’d you know that, darlin’?”
Jennifer patted her beau’s chest. “Ethel can’t have a civil conversation without talkin’ about poppin’ a hemorrhoid. She isnotone to dine with. She doesn’t understand the concept of dinner talk.”
