“Punishable by death,” Heather reminded everyone.
I held up a hand. “We’ll get to that soon enough.”
The gasps were loud. I didn’t blame them. I’d now confused and probably terrified everyone in the room. It was a hard no to end the Higher Power, but with the new info I’d gleaned fromJimmy George Carrtos, it could happen in the future. All of it was iffy since there was no third part of the Trinity yet. Death for the Higher Power would have to wait. And honestly, since my daughter was a large piece of the puzzle, I hoped a very long time from now.
As I took a deep breath in preparation to share what I’d learned, Shitty Ritchie raised his hand. I considered not calling on him, but decided against it. It didn’t matter if I ignored the turd. When he wanted to talk, he talked.
“I’d like to announce that I’m moving to Georgia,” Shitty Ritchie informed the group. “If anyone happens to know of an open cave that I could squat in, I’d be ever so grateful.”
“For the love of everything farkin’ pathetic,” Candy Vargo grunted. “You can live in my guest house. But lemme tell you somethin’ now, nard. If you behave like a spoiled little trash tornado, I’ll tan your ugly bahookey until there’s nothin’ left of it. We clear on that, corn boob?”
“Very!” Shitty Ritchie screamed. “It’s thrilling!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Candy said with an eye roll. “I got kids. I’m a ball-eatin’ foster mom. And I don’t give a testicle if you like me, but you’re gonna be sweet with my kids. I’m a neurotic, helicopter, Karen parent. If you don’t like it, you can lump it. I’ll be bossin’ your bahookey too.”
“Oh my God!” Shitty Ritchie shouted as he bounced with excitement. “My therapist is going to make so much money off me this year!”
If he was the future of the Immortals, we were in trouble. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was going to continue to live in hiding and not with Candy Vargo, but I’d get to that shortly. However, if he lived with Gideon and me for a few centuries, we could knock some sense and manners into the tiny dude… or we could try.
“Is everyone ready?” I asked.
“Born that way, mothersharter,” Candy answered.
Tim had his notebook out and he was ready to take notes. I wasn’t quite as ready, but there was no time like the present to freak the fuck out of everyone.
“Okay, here we go…” I said, then proceeded to lay it out.
It took all of an hour to share the entire encounter since there were so many questions. Gideon had gone completely quiet when he learned of Alana Catherine and Shitty Ritchie’s true callings. He didn’t like it. Neither did I, but it was their destiny.
Shitty Ritchie choked out a few words that should have gotten his mouth washed out with soap and had paled considerably. No one called him out. His future was a lot for a tiny guy to handle. The little menace was in shock. He could join the club…
The people closest to me were silent and contemplative. I’d just unloaded information that would change the order of how the Immortals had existed for millions of years. The smart thing to do would be to alert the Goddesses of the Darkness about what was going to happen, but since we most likely had hundreds of years to get used to the idea, we could wait. If anyone fought us on it, I would destroy them. My daughter was my priority. Period.
“Holy corn turds,” Candy Vargo muttered. “Shitty Ritchie is the Higher Power?”
Shitty Ritchie found his voice. “I, Shitty Ritchie, think that is a very bad fucking plan.”
Again, he could join the club. We didn’t make the rules. Destiny did.
“Eventually,” I confirmed. “One of three. The third still has to emerge.”
“Back to another matter, I’m still not satisfied as to why the Higher Power sent zombies after June,” Charlie said. His voice was tight, and he was holding back his magic with effort.
“Or me,” Jennifer reminded us.
I shook my head. “The only guess I can make is that it was leverage for a trade,” I replied.
Charlie nodded. It was jerky and terse. I didn’t blame him. His love for June was absolute, just like my love for Alana Catherine and Gideon. He stood up and motioned to both of the women in question. “Stand over there, please,” he instructed, pointing to the archway in the kitchen. “With your backs to me, please walk across the room.”
I knew what he was doing. He was checking for footprints. Only Immortals had footprints, so to speak. If either June of Jennifer had them, the plot would change dramatically.
June and Jennifer did as asked. Charlie examined the ground they walked with scientific precision. I didn’t see anything, but Charlie was far more experienced than me.
“Nothing” he said with a sigh of relief. “Neither June nor Jennifer has a footprint. As much as it disgusts me, and it does disgust me, I believe that Daisy’s assumption that the Higher Power was going to take a hostage was correct.”
“Can’t believe I’m gonna say this considering every shartin’ thing that could go wrong… like the entire corn ballin’ world comin’ to an end, but I do believe it’s time for a change,” Candy Vargo said. “Little concerned that the magical nard is gonna be partially in charge though.”
“Word,” Heather said, shaking her head. “I’ll take things that will give me nightmares for centuries for two hundred, Alex.”
