The phone feels hot in my hand.
I tap back into James’s secret account. Want to see how he spoke to her when no one else was looking. Get a flavor of their relationship. What I see in his private messages confuses me. Dozens of flirtatious messages sent to a range of girls flood his inbox. All very different-looking, but none white. The timeline suggests the messages were sent after Jade had died and before we got serious, which is something, I guess. He gets a few responses. A few threads show me he even has the occasional success of meeting up with a girl in real life. By the looks of the acerbic messages in those same threads, he sleeps with them, ghosts, and then blocks. When I look, I find almost nothing inhis DMs with Jade. I want to throw the phone across the room. Slam it down. Crack it against the floorboards.
Instead, I reach for my own phone, open Instagram, create a finsta of my own. With the new profile, I find the accounts of the women he’s met. One by one, I send them the same message.
Hi. I know this is a random message, but I am currently seeing James—the guy you dated a couple years back. I’ve linked his profile at the bottom of this message. Have found out some things about him and am not sure if he’s safe. Can you tell me anything about what he was like when you were together? I’m writing from a new account for my safety. Please take this seriously if you see it.
It goes to Jade’s account, too. A long shot, but there’s a chance someone who knew James back then is monitoring her account. Better than nothing. I slide the incriminating phone away from me and stand up for a breath.
I can’t ignore what this looks like. Can’t help but wonder anew why James made such a big song and dance about me being his first Black girlfriend. Wonder if Will knows about these women, too. Something about the setup makes me think these women are James’s darkest little secret to date.
46
Now
Dimple
“I must apologize again for yesterday’s little outburst. It wasn’t very professional. I promise to do what I can to avoid it happening again.”
I offer her a small smile. “It’s okay. I know it was a lot.” A beat. “I hope I’m not dumping too much trauma on you?”
She flicks her gaze away to something so solid in her mind’s eye it’s like the thought has taken form in the room and she’s studying it. From my peripheral vision I try to stare at it, too. I see nothing.
A silence unwoven by her stretches out across the room.
“Dimple?”
And she’s back from wherever she drifted to. That she zoned out last time, the news fresh, made sense. But this is so unlike her.
“Sorry. Yes.” Her words beat out a staccato rhythm of false fineness. “I’m okay. Thanks. Sorry.”
“I appreciate you seeing me again so soon. I know it’s late in the day for a session.”
She waves a hand. Pushes her glasses up her nose. “It’s the least I could do. So. Last we spoke, you were telling me about this big secret James had been hiding. The ex-girlfriend, Chioma.”
“Yes.”
“It was quite the revelation. It must be a lot for you to process.”
“It is.”
“And have you discussed Chioma with James?”
I shake my head. “Like I said, it doesn’t feel safe. If he could want me to hurt his brother for what he might do with the information, then what might he do to me? No. I need to figure out the full extent of what he’s up to before I can decide anything. Because there are obviously many lies. I’ve got this sinking feeling that I’ve started pulling on a thread that’s going to unravel everything around me. That there’s worse to come.”
Dimple quirks an eyebrow. “Worse than killing someone?”
When I went to sleep last night, I could see them. A slideshow of women’s faces that James had wanted to hide from me.
“I know it sounds stupid in the grand scheme of things, but I found out I’m not the first Black girl he’s dated. Not by a long shot.”
“And that makes you unhappy?”
“Yeah. It’s a bloody weird thing to lie about. Feels…sinister. But it gets more sinister. I found out that another one of his exes is dead.”
Dimple blinks rapidly, flashing her surprise in the bright whites of her eyes. “I’m sorry?”
“It was suicide. Apparently. I can’t seem to find anything about it online, although the last post on her Insta is flooded with ‘RIPs.’ ”
