“I used softball as an escape. A way to never have to think about it or go home. But maybe I shouldn’t have.” A droplet slid to her chin, and she wiped it away. “I knew something bad would happen, and I didn’t stop it. Sometimes I even wonder.” She exhaled and shut her eyes. “I wonder if she did it on purpose and if I might have missed my chance to help her.” Abby choked on a cry. “I miss her. I miss her so badly, but then there’s also a part of me that’s relieved that I don’t have to worry anymore.”
When Abby opened her eyes, she discovered Kate’s tears. And while she cherished her assurances and the comfort of her hands, this empathy meant more than words, though she knew just what to say too. “Nothing is your fault.”
Abby nodded but crumpled, fighting to keep her whimpers quiet, unsure if the confession or that gentle declaration finally freed her.
“I know this might not be the right thing to say and some people hate it, but I pray for you all the time.” Kate sniffled as she drew circles on the back of Abby’s hand. “I guess when I say that, I mean, I think of you. My heart thinks of you.”
Abby’s chest rocked, but not with her usual burdens. “My heart thinks of you too.”
Kate glimpsed down at their interlocked hands. The brief shift regrettably brought the airport back into focus, as though they’d been in their own bubble until then.
“Flight 534 to Portland, good news. We’re ready to start your boarding process,” the gate agent announced.
Abby didn’t move from her chair as Kate gathered her things and turned for the gate. She stayed seated, uncertain how she might leave their conversation behind.
“Hey.” Kate reappeared and wrapped an arm around Abby. She rested her chin atop her head, and Abby’s heart shot into her throat. “Let’s go home.”
Abby’s eyes widened as Kate grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. She nodded, still in a daze. “Let’s go home.” She couldn’t remember the last time she’d said or meant it, but knew she’d never have to wonder where it was again.
Waiting
Abby started going to church after the spring showcase. It wasn’t exactly a spiritual awakening that led her there, and she never actually went inside, but every Thursday evening, she stood at a safe distance from New Hope Baptist’s doors, waiting for Kate to emerge.
She didn’t know when the waiting started. She only knew that they’d spend every day of that school year together, but it wouldn’t be enough. So, Abby waited for Kate, and Kate waited for Abby. No more meeting in the library or locker room. Not when they could meet each other after classes, on the walk to campus, the field, or home.
Everything changed after the spring showcase, though they never discussed it. Abby knew it from the way they studied side by side, occasionally brushing shoulders or thighs. She knew it in the way she held her breath until Kate withdrew, then spent the remainder of their time in the library desperate for her to return. Desperate for Kate to gently tap her on the back and pull her attention away from their books.
She knew it on the field too when they weren’t just together, but moved as one. When they turned two, with Kate at shortstop and Abby at second base. When Kate hit first, and Abby knocked her in for a run. An extension of the other.
That’s why Abby awkwardly waited for Bible study to end. If she was honest though, she didn’t exactly mind it. Not when Kate came through those church doors. She’d flash Abby a smile, sometimes a brief wave when she saw her and something about it felt like faith. That if she waited long enough, Kate would appear, and the rest would fall into place.
Of course, she wondered if Kate noticed the skeptical glances as she left her church group behind to join her. She made quite the Jezebel for the faithful, puffing cigarettes with her shades on, the hood of her sweatshirt raised in the sun. But if they ever said anything to Kate, or she caught wind of the disdain that Abby recognized from the distance, she never mentioned it. Just as she never forced Abby into the pews.
Blake Davis was a different story.
“What am I going to have to do to get you to join us?” He always pleaded with a grin, like it might be the day that David beat Goliath. Like if anyone could convert her, it would be him. He seemed to be the king of New Hope Baptist and Collegiate Athletes for Christ, always with a small entourage in tow. And again, if Kate noticed, or if it bothered her, she never showed it. She trailed at a distance, chatting with a friend on her way to Abby.
“Maybe an exorcism.” She blew smoke over her shoulder, though she considered fumigating him with it. “Oh, wait, that’s the Catholics, right?”
He feigned a chuckle. “I really think you might like it.”
“Thanks, but I’m good.”
“Right, well, maybe next time.”
The little flock of followers behind him whispered among themselves and glared. Kate dawdled down the church steps, but when she spotted them together, her pace quickened.
“You know, I was hoping you could help me with something.” Blake fished a baseball card out of his pocket. “Audie was one of my favorite players growing up. I can’t imagine him being my dad.”
Abby gritted her teeth. “Yeah. Me neither.”
Blake just kept smiling. “Do you think you could have him sign it?”
“Blake, don’t.” Kate slid between them, eyes widening at the baseball card, then at Abby.
“Why?”
“No, it’s fine.” Abby took the card. “I’ll see what I can do.”
