“You excited?” Clara asked, and Daisy could see that she was really trying to be enthusiastic.
“I am,” she said, nodding. “How was your Christmas?”
“It was good,” Clara said, taking a sip of her Amaretto Sour. “Had it with the fam and we propped Leisha up on a chair. Mum laid a space for her at the table and everything.”
“Oh that’s lovely,” Daisy said, sounding perhaps a little too gushing. Clara’s family were some of the best people she knew and she wasn’t surprised they’d thrown themselves into this anonymous partner and welcomed her as another member. Daisy just wished she could sense the tiniest bit of apprehension, from any of them. Someone in the family had to think it was weird that no one had even met or seen Leisha, in particular Clara. Didn’t they? “Was she just a floating head?”
“Nah, just like a tinny, echoey voice,” Clara said, laughing. “She was on the boat so her video wasn’t working, but it was all good. She could see us all.”
“Nice,” Daisy said as a speaker announced a show starting in one of the studio spaces.
“I do get why you’re worried,” Clara blurted out. “I know how it sounds, but I believe her. I trust her. And honestly, Daise, if I’m wrong, I don’t care. What is love if not setting out knowing at any point you might get your heart broken? I’d rather risk it and be wrong than not risk it at all.”
Daisy opened her mouth to speak up against Clara, but she found that she couldn’t. That, in actual fact, there was something beautiful in her words. Maybe everyone should be a bit more like Clara. Maybe Daisy should have been a bit more like Clara when she had the chance.
Daisy swallowed. “Okay,” she said. “Fine. Good speech. I didn’t have you down as such a romantic.”
“It’s Leisha,” Clara shrugged. “She’s worth it. Anyway, how wasyourChristmas, with Dan?”
Daisy held the stem of her cocktail glass between her thumb and forefinger, turning it slowly. “He...” Daisy stared into her glass and Clara reached across and rested her hand on Daisy’s.
“Go on.”
Daisy met Clara’s eyes. She could trust her, she knew that she could. This was the friend who was willing to fall out withher because she wanted to protect her. The feeling was so new to her. She hadn’t confided in anyone before. Anyone except Zack, but it was time. She could see that now.
“I never told you why I went to Zack... for therapy, I mean,” she explained. “I never told anyone. My dad was... he was pretty controlling.” Daisy told Clara some of the things she remembered about the way her dad had treated her mum. The memories she had pushed down and minimized for years. “He never hit her, but he was abusive all the same. And when he died, we just... No one spoke about it. I don’t think I realized at the time how much Dan had to look after my mum. How much she leaned on him. I think he just... cracked. And I don’t blame him.”
“Oh, Daisy, I’m really sorry. So you’ve all just been walking around with this massive secret that no one spoke about?”
Daisy nodded. “Basically, yes. And it all came out on Christmas Day. Dan threw a whole bowl of roast potatoes at the wall. It was... intense.” She looked over to the bar, and back. “But it’s sort of changed things a bit. Dan seems more calm, and Mum actually went to talk to someone, for the first time ever.”
Over the speakers there was a reminder for the show, starting in five minutes.
“That’s amazing,” Clara said. “It’s never too late. Speaking of which...” she added, raising an eyebrow. “Did you think any more about it?” Daisy thought of Zack finding the card. Of how he’d reacted.
“I prefer talking to Zack,” she replied, a fierce, desperate loyalty having kicked in since everything happened with Tom. “If it weren’t for him, I’d never have faced up to what happened. He really did help me.”
“I can see that,” Clara said, tapping her thumb with her middle finger as relief washed over Daisy. That perhaps Clara was wrong about Zack. “It was still his job though.”
Tears filled Daisy’s eyes. “I know. I know it was, but it was more than therapy. I don’t expect it to make sense to you, but it became love. In talking, we fell in love with each other. He doesn’t practice any more. He gave it up to be with me. I really do believe that I am who I am because he’s helped me so much. He’s still helping me.”
Clara bit on the inside of her cheek, staring at Daisy. Daisy watched as Clara took on a mental battle and fought back and forth with it before she spoke again.
“Daisy, you’re my best friend and I love you more than life. And if you are telling me that Zack is the man for you, then I have to believe you. I have to accept that and show up for you, because you’re marrying him and you love him and I need you in my life, which means that he comes too. But I won’t agree with what you say, about you not being who you are without him,” she said. “You have always,alwaysbeen brave and strong and ready to take on the world. Always. So please,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “Please don’t let someone else take the credit for that, even if it’s just you giving them that credit yourself.”
Daisy didn’t recognize herself in what Clara was saying. Not one bit. “Okay,” she said, not really meaning it. “Okay, I won’t do that.”
“Thank you. And I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. And I hate to make this about me in any way, but I’m so sorry you felt that you couldn’t tell me. You can tell me anything, always.”
“I know,” Daisy said. “I know I can. I just wasn’t even ready to tell myself. Not until Dan forced us all to face up to what happened. It was brave, really.”
“It was.”
“Annoying about the potatoes though. They were my best yet too. So crispy. And the goose fat really ruined the wall.”
“No! Not that moldy apple shade you took so long choosing.” Clara threw her hands to her mouth. She knew how long Daisy had deliberated over the color for the kitchen.
“Yup. It’s now moldy apple and mashed potato.” Daisy laughed helplessly.
