I shake my head. “No, sorry. I have things I need to prep for my tutoring sessions this week.” My brain reminds me that I work my ass off to pick up her slack, which I don’t need to doanymore, clearly. “One of my students has a big paper coming up, and another has a makeup test to do.”
“You got one hell of a daughter,” Tyr says.
I turn to him. “Tyr, do you have kids?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. That’s why I’m lucky I found your mom.”
I shrug. “Well, why not?”
“I can’t have them.” He nods.
“Oh,” I mutter. “I’m sorry.”
He leans back. “It’s alright. I found the perfect family.”
I reply, “I wouldn’t say perfect.”
My mom laughs. “You know what he means.”
“Yeah, but––” I shrug. “I mean, look around.”
My mom puts down her fork. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Tyr says, “It’s fine. It’s fine.”
My mom shakes her head. “No, I want her to finish her thought.”
I put my fork down and look up at her.
She nods. “Tell us what you really think, Lucy. Come on. I want to hear it.”
I look back at her, and there she is. Her real self is crawling out of the façade. Her tone isn’t so sweet now. I glance at Tyr to see what he’s thinking, and he’s awkwardly stacking food on his fork.
She says, “That’s what I thought. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.”
I take another bite of my pancake as the house falls to silence. I eat until I’m full and then I turn to Bear, “Have fun today.”
He nods, and I wish he would beg me to come. It sounds ridiculous, but I feel unwanted in this house, and it’s eating at me. I look down at my plate and scoot myself out of the chair. It scrapes against the floor. I start washing my dishes.
Tyr says, “It’s okay. I’ll do it.”
My mom whispers something, and he drops it.
I put my clean dishes in the drying rack, grab my bag, and then I turn around and say, “I’ll see you guys on Wednesday. Bear, call if you need anything.”
“He won’t,” my mom says, taking her last bite of the pancake. She pulls the fork out of her mouth and waves.
“Bye,” I mutter, and leave.
When I get into my car, I don’t cry. I turn the music all the way up and drown out the thoughts in my head. There is no sense in what’s going on in that house right now, and I don’t have the bandwidth to start unpacking it.
Chapter 21
Benson
Iwakeupbeforemy alarm on Monday morning and lie on my back for a while. I have not slept right since Friday, and my body is starting to register the deficit. My phone is on the nightstand. The number for the Camden Athletic Tutoring Center has been waiting for two days now, and it’s burning a hole in my chest. I have to call today because I told my sister I would.
I sit up and roll my aching shoulder. I must have slept on it wrong. I need to stretch it out before practice. I do a few stretches as I stare at the wall. It has my schedule, my syllabi, the hockey schedule, and birthdays coming up. I glance at the calendar. The home opener block is in red. Stats midterm block in red. The Tuesday and Thursday tutoring blocks in blue at four o’clock. I look atTUE LUCY 4PM LIB 3Band the tightness in my shoulders moves into my chest.
