Chapter 19
Benson
Lucy’sdoorclicksshut,and I stand on the sidewalk for a moment with my tongue against the inside of my lip, smiling like a fucking dumbass.
This wasn’t how I wanted the night to go. I know the Hawthorne House right now is full of gossip and drama, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Now I have to talk to my sister.
I start walking fast. My blood is up. But I need to get this conversation over with. Gianna has gotten on my nerves, and we’re like cats and dogs whenever we fight. I learned to fold myself around her moods my whole life. Tonight I’m not folding. Whatever she has to say to me when I get there, I am going to listen, and then I am going to say back what I have to say back.We’re both adults now. Lucy isn’t a toy that she can hide in her closet just because she doesn’t want me to have it.
I make it to the Hawthorne House in eleven minutes.
The party has contracted. The casual partygoers are gone. The boys have moved everyone out. The music is lower, and the kitchen lights are on, which means they are starting to clean. Through the front window, I can see Stanley at the kitchen island with a bag of frozen peas pressed to his elbow. My sister is on the porch swing with Mara.
I climb the steps.
“G.”
Gianna does not look at me.
“G. I need to talk to you.”
Mara says, “Maybe—”
“Mara,” I say.
Mara looks at Gianna. Gianna gives her a nod, so Mara stands up. She squeezes Gianna’s shoulder, walks past me, and goes inside. The screen door swings shut behind her on the broken spring.
I sit down on the porch railing across from the swing.
She looks at me like she’s disgusted with me. “You should leave.”
“G, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Benson. Get the fuck off this porch. Get away from me. I cannot — I cannot look at you right now.”
“Then don’t look at me. Listen.”
“You don’t get to do this.”
“G—”
“You don’t get to do this.” Her voice cracks on theget.She is on the verge of crying. She takes a Camdenth in through her nose and the Camdenth catches. “You knew what I asked of you. And I’ve been telling her since she started tutoring you that you’re off-limits. Where is she?”
“I walked her home.”
She scowls at me.
“It’s not even like that. You’re just making this worse. Lucy and I don’t even know if––”
“Don’t act like you don’t know, Benson. Are you kidding me? You punched Paxton Bowie in the face tonight!”
“Fine,” I say. My frustration is building because I know this conversation is going to be impossible. “Fine. Do you want to know why I punched him in the face?”
“Why, Benson? Because you couldn’t punch me?”
Jesus Christ.See, impossible. I blow out hot air and look at the ground. “I can’t fucking think when I’m around Lucy, G. She’s smart. She’s beautiful.”
