“I said it, I mean it, I got you. Have I not proven it?”
“You have.”
He leaned over almost timidly and kissed my forehead. The move was small but held a gentleness I wasn’t sure how to receive. Instead of speaking he lingered just briefly enough to let me know he enjoyed the feeling of his lips on me before he moved back slightly and spoke against my ear.
“Then trust my word until I fail. Which I refuse to ever do.”
“Remind me how you talked me into this?” I glanced over at Ori and frowned until he stuck his tongue out and made it flicker rapidly before swirling it around like a hurricane. I shivered remembering that was the exact reason I was as relaxed as I was.
“Oh yeah, I’d forgotten already.”
A week. It had only been a week since that night in the bathroom and Ori had gotten this dinner planned just that fast. The speed with which he accomplished this had me concerned that the wedding date had been set and he was going to spring it on me tonight.
His chuckle started deeply and now I couldn’t get the image of his voice actually starting in his dick out of my head. His hair was slicked back off his face, his facial hair trimmed perfectly and he smelled divinely as usual.
“That won’t do. Maybe I should put up the partition and give you a reminder.” His hand reached for the remote and I squeezed his knee to make him stop.
“Please don’t. If I walk in there too relaxed I won’t be on my A-game and I need it now more than anything.”
I’d almost backed out. Spent the day texting back and forth with my sister telling me that things would be fine and my father reassuring me that my mother would be medicated and on her best behavior.
As if meds were ever strong enough to contain a personality based on hatred and reveling in being vile.
Despite their assurances, I still felt irritation and apprehensive at the idea of seeing her. I’d worked on the case from home since Ori and Alec had been out following leads and I wasn’t granted permission to tag along because I was a civilian. I had no desire to be cramped in a car with them anyway so I kept reviewing the life of Natalie Rawlins and the people she’d interacted with tracing back her family tree and that of her associates to glean whatever I could about who might have killed her. The pressure was being applied from multiple angles for this case to be concluded. Politically, it was a landmine, with some saying that was the motivation for her murder. I felt internally pressured because I wanted to be the expert they’d hyped me to be but the actual case was slow going. Ori’s retirement hinged on this case getting done and I secretly wanted to help him close out this chapter of his life. I was still unsure of where the motivation came from but it was what I was feeling. Part of me felt as though every day the case lingered I was failing everyone around me.
Should really probably get a therapist to talk this out with but those secrets were truly impeding me and my healing.
When Ori got home and saw how I was pacing and not focused on getting ready he submitted and asked if he could ease my stress. And being a good mistress, of course I allowed him.
But now it was wearing off the closer we got to the restaurant.
“Since you keep hinting at it, give me the rundown on what I’m walking into?” His hand still lingered close to my leg the warmth of which was finding its way through the pants I’d selected for tonight. It was a small defiance that I knew would irritate my mother.
She might not matter to me but I knew I could easily rile her and make her life as miserable as she tried to make mine.
I eased back into the seat trying to figure out how to explain decades of family drama succinctly enough for him to grasp the intensity but also not bog him down in details. “My father is the most normal one out of us. Which doesn’t say much since he married my mother.”
“And your sister?”
While I loved my twin she’d been given a specific role in our family dynamic and I was unsure if she would ever step out of it. She felt she needed to protect me from my mother instead of allowing her to ramble and spew her hatred. “She’s going to spend too much time playing peacemaker in order to appease everyone’s feelings. This whole thing will devolve into a shit show.”
“That bothers you.” I looked at him watching the streetlights cast shadows on his face.
“I’m sorry?”
His face was relaxed but the sharpness in his eyes showed he was studying the reaction to each question that he’d asked. “Your sister’s behavior bothers you.”
I shifted against the seat not wanting him to see as much as he was but unable to deny it. I needed to have someone inmy corner walking into this battle and he was the only person I could count on to be firmly on my side. “Of course it does.”
“Because you want her to stick up for you.”
“Because I want her to realize I’m not weak. I allow her to be the mouthpiece, but most of the time I just want to allow my mother to speak. Her speaking the way she does doesn’t affect me any longer. I’d rather she grate on their nerves enough that they do something about her instead of continuing to let her act the way she does. Frankly, it’s why I’ve been distancing myself from familial interactions. It’s easier for them all but they still want to have the guise of a perfect family so they continue to appease me by putting a band-aid on the situation.”
“You want them to advocate for you.”
I had to think for a minute to see if that was the proper word for me to use in this situation. I could advocate for myself and had often, she simply wasn’t that high a priority for me. I didn’t want understanding and I didn’t look at the situation as one that could be healed. Reconciliation was their goal, where mine was distance. Those two aims weren’t congruent; hence the reason I was constantly at odds with my family.
“Not advocate. I want them to respect how I’m moving and let me have relationships with them separate from her. But again, they feel as though she will somehow see value in me when she hasn’t for over thirty years.”
