Broken.
I swallowed the negativity and blinked up at the man. He extended the second card toward me and I tucked it and my membership fob into the holder that attached to my wristband. I wasn’t as forward as most women here who tucked theirs into near-nonexistent tops and waistbands. The last thing I wanted was for someone to think they could reach for it and then I’d have a room full of people as witnesses to me committing murder.
And we can’t have that can we?
“Thank you.”
My accent was absent. Flattened into the American version of me that washed out my ethnicity and my nationality. The last thing I wanted was for my voice to be something that could identify me even with the mask off so I took precautions and borrowed tones from my best friends to perfect what I should sound like. My American accent was cultured with a soft southern accent because two of my closest friends were from the South.
The greeter smiled at me and took a step back toward the door that led to the interior of the club. With his hand on the door, he smiled cracking it open to reveal the elevator that would take me to the interior of the building.
“If you need anything, mistress, send for me. I’m more than eager to please you in any way possible.” He licked his full lips and even though he was visibly perfection in human form down to the bulge he was proudly displaying in the gold micro boxers that showed off toned dark thighs I was still unmoved.
“If I have need of you I will find you.”
Pleased with my answer he stepped to the side and allowed me to enter the elevator, taking a gentle whiff of my perfume as Ipassed by him. He grinned as I turned to face him not bothering to hide the appreciation of my form until the doors closed and shielded me from his view.
As the car descended from the private VIP entrance, that feeling began to increase. Anticipation, nervousness and maybe even hope. Hope that I would reclaim whatever it was I felt like I’d lost that night.
When the doors opened I was thrown into the world of passion with every sight, sound and smell. The air that hit my nose was clean due in fact to the hallway I needed to walk down to reach the action. The sounds were loud, nearly overbearing, as I could hear the music that was piped throughout the space to lend to the atmosphere. The lights were low in this hallway but I had zero fear of being ambushed. No one could enter this hallway and the guard who greeted me with a deferential nod of welcome was stationed there to ensure it. I glanced up at the ceiling and the dancers that hung from the rafters in red silks performed their aerial routines over the crush of bodies that entertained themselves below. I went to take a step forward but was halted by a face I had no interest in seeing.
“Mistress—”
“Did I grant you permission to speak to me?”
Instead of the snarl I wanted to give the man standing in front of me begging for my attention I kept my face blank. It wasn’t as though he could see me behind my mask, but any kind of reaction would feed into his delusions that he would eventually get anywhere close to me. That was something I would never let happen. A man like him had been close to me once and it hadn’t ended well for him. This peon should be lucky that all he got was my silent disdain instead of the treatment that had been given to his predecessor.
We could always kill him, too.
Thinking back on that time had my hand itching and with hard-fought control I battled the desire to dig my nails into my palm until I drew blood. But again, he didn’t deserve the smallest reaction and I refused to give it to him. Instead, I waited silently watching him as he thought he would receive something from me that would never be forthcoming. Seeing that I wasn’t moved he began to back off of the arrogant way he’d approached me.
“No, mistress, I thought—”
My finger raised silencing him immediately, because there was no need for me to hear any of his thoughts.
“You thought what? That my fleeting moment of online attention granted you liberties that you haven’t earned? It’s just like your kind isn’t it? Thinking that the slightest flicker of attention afforded to you means that you can have whatever it is your heart desires. Get out of my sight.”
His expression changed to disbelief, and for a moment he seemed offended. I wasn’t sure why his reaction was so visceral since he came to me to be ignored and humiliated. That was the first clue I had that something with him wasn’t as sincere about this as he tried to portray himself to be.
“Mistress, please—”
My brows shot up as I watched his splotchy face, a sure sign he’d been in the other rooms at some point tonight before he realized I was here, contort into a plea. Someone whose attention wasn’t solely on me held no interest to me. Just like the man who’d greeted me at the VIP entrance, I was sure I would see him being led around by a woman who would happily take him up on his offer.
“And to beg? So unbecoming of you. What would your forefathers think that you were begging someone like me for a moment of their time? I bet they’re turning over on their spitswishing they could take a slight vacation from hell to get you together.”
“I’m sorry, mistress. How can I make this up to you? I understand I’ve taken up enough of your time tonight.” His neck was getting redder and I would never bridle my tongue when speaking to him.
“You have to ask?”
“No, I’m sorry, mistress.”
I didn’t say another word. I simply waited for the alert that I knew would be coming forth within a few seconds as he hurriedly typed on his phone. When he put it away expectantly, the register sound clued me in that the transaction had been made.
“Go away now. I have no interest in being in your presence.”
“You don’t want to check it? I was extremely generous.”
He was too pleased with himself another sign that he was getting too comfortable seeing me. I’d only come here to move forward with what I thought would cure me from my nightmares.Explicithad a members-only secure forum and while I browsed I’d come across this man whose profile made him seem like someone to get my feet wet with. Watching the women here who were into the lifestyle of being pain dommes inflicting harm on men and getting paid handsomely for it was like a siren song to me. Only I didn’t trust myself not to take it too far. At least not yet. So I watched and observed and took baby steps into the lifestyle with fin domination. Only my current little banker was making me regret my restraint.
