Something is up.
“No.”
He nodded, his body language giving nothing away before he spoke again.
“Are you going to talk to her?”
“Pappy—”
“Stop it,keiki. I understand your pain but there is so much you don’t understand. So much guilt that we all feel about the situation.”
This was new. Pappy rarely expressed any emotion that wasn’t confidence, which is where I got my demeanor from. He didn’t preach hardness but it was natural for me to adopt his mannerisms because they were what I witnessed everyday and he was a man I admired. I had already shut down so many of my emotions because of how I grew up so it wasn’t a stretch.
“Even you?”
The sigh he released seemed to come from the depths of his soul and I had to wonder what he’d been carrying that he felt was now okay to release. And why now was the time that he felt he could put it down.
“Especially me. I should’ve known that he wasn’t ready. I knew it. I felt as though this opportunity would be something that would wake him up and force him to grow up. Instead,it made him a worse version of himself with more power than before. I can’t say that I regret the decision because it gave me one of my life’s greatest joys in you but I hate the way it affected your mother. The way it affected you. I wanted more for you, Ori.”
Pappy never talked like this. Maybe it was the understanding that his time as the head of the family was ending and he didn’t have to be the strongest person all the time. Or my mother’s potential presence forcing him to come to grips with a reality he’d been trying to avoid. I wasn’t sure which it was but something had his emotions rising to the surface.
Instead of pressing him, since I could tell he wasn’t ready to expound on that information, I was honest.
“I got more. I got you. So whatever guilt you feel you’re carrying you need to let it go.”
I wasn’t sure if his silence was because he was stunned I had been so raw with my emotions or if he was thinking of a way to combat what I was saying. Knowing him it was a mixture of both. He wouldn’t want me to think I could make him soft by being nice to him.
“Things could’ve been better. The emotions I lacked were probably a disservice to you.”
“You’re an asshole and I get it. You faced a lot of bullshit growing up in Hawai’i and no one really understood that. Most of the kids of GIs were white and native, not Black. Shielding your emotions just came naturally.”
He’d told me stories about kids picking on everyone that differed from them but I knew because of the segregationist policies that existed throughout the country he had it worse. Hawai’i had only been a state for six years when my grandfather was born but it had long since been a victim of the same bullshit that plagued the mainland. He could pass for a myriad of races but since white wasn’t one of them he endured a lot of hate.Being the son of a veteran insulated him with some things but not all of it. It was crazy to hear his stories of being discriminated against while growing up. Neither of us blamed our fellow natives for being upset at the loss of sovereignty but it wasn’t like Black people had ever been their enemy. And since they were welcoming white GIs and the mainlanders’ money with no issue, it made the hate sting deeper.
“Well, none of that matters now. Those same people who thought they were better than my half-Black ass now work for me if I let them. They now want to join me as I fight to keep Hawai’i in native hands and prevent it from being purchased and the land ruined. It doesn’t erase it but it gives me a sick sense of satisfaction when they have to grovel.”
He was smirking and I knew plenty of the people who’d treated him poorly had their land sold out from beneath them by the same folks they’d trusted or even married into their family. Pappy attempted to prevent as much overdevelopment as he could but there was only so much he could do from five thousand miles away.
“You’ve done what was necessary. You’ve made the people who tried you realize why they shouldn’t while also trying to preserve the island. No one says that revenge can’t be a driving force for altruism.”
“I thought the nature of altruism was to be selfless.”
He knew me better than to think I was going to ever do anything without reaping some type of benefit. I might not have been a complete asshole, but I also knew how the world worked. I didn’t do favors. I would always have my brothers’ backs out of love. And I knew that they would do the same for me without question. But no one else besides Pappy could get that type of devotion from me. Except maybe Vega. He’d shown on more than one occasion that he was just as loyal as my brothers andsince our families relied on each other we both had a vested interest in ensuring the other didn’t get in a fucked up situation.
“I’m a good man but I’m not a fool. I wouldn’t allow someone the opportunity to fuck me over twice. Your true nature was exposed the second you treated me poorly when you thought I was powerless. Now that the tables have turned I don’t want anyone to bend the knee. I’d rather take their head and move on with my life. You taught me better than to be a fool. That was a lesson I took to heart.”
He smiled as he nodded his approval. Pappy could be described as jolly but so few people ever saw that side of him. The life that we lived and the battles he had to face had thrust him into a position of having to tuck that side of him away and ensure that business was handled. One of the greatest gifts I could give Pappy was the chance to rest and I was happy I could repay him for the sacrifices he’d made for me throughout my life.
“You had me worried there fore a second but I’m glad my concern was misplaced.”
“Very.”
He pushed back from behind his desk and stretched. I mirrored his movement giving my limbs a minute to adjust. We’d been sitting for a while and my legs had fallen asleep.
“Let’s have a drink before you go. Deuce sent me over some shit that he swears is better than Ko Hana and I want to test his theory.”
I grinned knowing that Deuce had probably sent something that was going to have my grandfather on his ass. They loved to trade bottles and I wasn’t going to miss out on the chance to sample whatever it was he’d come up with now.
“Lead the way. I don’t have to be up too early tomorrow so I’m good for a few minutes.”
